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Popular hobbies and interests change over time and are more a reflection of trends and fashions than an indication of what individuals really want to do in their spare time. v.8

Popular hobbies and interests change over time and are more a reflection of trends and fashions than an indication of what individuals really want to do in their spare time. v. 8
It is true that people's hobbies and interests change in accordance with the latest trends and fashions. They are following these hobbies and interest for the sake of popularity, not for personal pleasure. To a certain extent, I would agree with the statements, but there are some new hobbies which people follow due they like the activity. On the one hand, many people change their hobbies for popularity purpose. People follow and do popular activities to show that they exist and up to date with the latest trends. But In the reality, they do not have the passion in doing it. For example, mountain biking has become a popular activity in Indonesia lately, and many people are following it. While some of them do mountain biking due to they like the sport, others are doing it to show that they are following the current trend and to show that they have the latest model of the bicycle. On the other hand, there are few other people who change their interests and hobbies due to the fact that they like these new activities. These new hobbies might be the latest trend, but these people change their interest because they have such huge passion in these activities. Besides that, these hobbies might be newly invented, therefore no one was doing these hobbies in the past. In conclusion, it is a fact that people's hobbies and interest sometimes changes. To a certain point, I agree that some people change their hobbies due to following the trend, but there are others who change their interest due to they like the new activity. I personally believe that hobby is a personal matter, and we should not follow what is popular in public and should do things that we really like.
It is true that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interests
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
in accordance with the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trends
and fashions. They are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
following
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
and
The usual collocation for "interest" is "in" not "for". Did you mean "interest in"?
interest for
the sake of popularity, not for personal pleasure. To a certain extent, I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statements,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
follow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
they like the activity.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
for popularity purpose.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
follow and do popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that they exist and up to date with the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trends
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
In the reality, they do not have the passion in doing it.
For example
, mountain biking has become a popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
in Indonesia lately, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
following
it. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them do mountain biking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to they like the sport, others are doing it to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
following
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that they have the latest model of the bicycle.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there are few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interests
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the fact that they like these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
might be the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have such huge passion in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
Besides
that, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
might be
newly
invented,
therefore
no one was doing these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
in the past.

In conclusion
, it is a fact that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
. To a certain point, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
following
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are others who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to they like the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
. I
personally
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
is a personal matter, and we should not follow what is popular in public and should do things that we
really
like.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
56Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Popular hobbies and interests change over time and are more a reflection of trends and fashions than an indication of what individuals really want to do in their spare time. v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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