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Poorest countries need help from wealth

Poorest countries need help from wealth QlyP9
Recently, poorest countries doesn't have food and and education. so rich countries can help them From their poverty. but some other persons opinion is unwealthy nation problem is their own government need to solve that. I discuss my both views and give my opinion. First of all, we all know food and knowledge is important in our daily life. although, but some others are dying without food and become extremely poor without education. So the importance of food and schooling in some province like Africa has no care to it. Wealthy countries like America, china, Japan were donating to this unwealthy regions that will be a great relief for them. Without education they don't get a good job they will become poor So they need education and practice this can make them a way to create successful in life. So wealthy countries need to raise them. Secondly, on the other hand some are against it. This poverty disaster and education is their own reasons. This kind of people mind set like selfishness they don't care about others. The government as significant role in this matter because they need take care their own citizens but if government doesn't have the amount to solve it. However, since doesn't get From taxpayer also literacy rate need to improve. To conclude, in my opinion
Recently,
A determiner is probably missing here: "the poorest".
poorest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
doesn't have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
Possible typo: you repeated a word
and and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
so
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them From their poverty.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "persons'" or "person's"?
persons
opinion is
Possible spelling mistake found.
unwealthy
nation problem is their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to solve that. I discuss my both views and give my opinion.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, we all know
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and knowledge is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in our daily life.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
although
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others are dying without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and become
extremely
poor without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and schooling in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "provinces"?
province
like Africa has no care to it. Wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
like America, china, Japan were donating to this
Possible spelling mistake found.
unwealthy
regions that will be a great relief for them. Without
The comma is probably missing here: "education, they".
education they
don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job they will become poor
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and practice this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them a way to create successful in life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to raise them.
Secondly
, on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are against it. This poverty disaster and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
reasons. This kind of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
mind set like selfishness they don't care about others. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
as significant role in this matter
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
take care their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
citizens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
doesn't have the amount to solve it.
However
, since doesn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
From taxpayer
also
literacy rate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
.
To conclude
, in my
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
opinion

IELTS essay Poorest countries need help from wealth

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
219 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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