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Watching a lot of Tv can do harm to the development of children. Do you agree or disagree?

Watching a lot of Tv can do harm to the development of children. Qlyqx
Watching TV has always been a matter of concern to parents nowadays. There’s a bone of contention that watching TV have a serious effect on children, whilst others believe that it brings various benefit to them. For some following reasons which I will mention below, I am a strong believer that TV plays an essential role in children’s development. Firstly, one good thing children can avail themselves of while watching TV is widening their horizons. There are educational channels for children which enable them to have fun learning new things. Obviously, these days children are likely to obtain knowledge and life skills. Moreover, parents have to make a choice for them as children do not know what to watch. Particularly, the Discovery channel not only gives them useful pieces of information about the animal lives but also vivid images. Secondly, even though watching TV plays an important role in children’s development, but watching TV does have an adverse impact on them. Prolonged television watching can be detrimental to their health. It is said that obesity, eye strain on children are mainly caused by children spending their whole time in front of the TV instead of doing activities. In summary, children watching TV under the guidance of parents can not harm the development of children. They might learn the reality about something that they can not find in their book.
Watching TV has always been a matter of concern to parents nowadays. There’s a bone of contention that watching TV have a serious effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, whilst others believe that it brings various benefit to them. For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
following reasons which I will mention below, I am a strong believer that TV plays an essential role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
development.

Firstly
, one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can avail themselves of while watching TV is widening their horizons. There are educational channels for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
which enable them to have fun learning new things.
Obviously
, these days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are likely to obtain knowledge and life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Moreover
, parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a choice for them as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not know what to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
.
Particularly
, the Discovery channel not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
gives them useful pieces of information about the animal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
vivid images.

Secondly
,
even though
watching TV plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
development,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
watching TV does have an adverse impact on them. Prolonged television watching can be detrimental to their health. It
is said
that obesity, eye strain on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
mainly
caused by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spending their whole time in front of the TV
instead
of doing activities.

In summary,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
watching TV under the guidance of parents can not harm the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. They might learn the reality about something that they can not find in their book.
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IELTS essay Watching a lot of Tv can do harm to the development of children.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
229 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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