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Poor health increasing despite having a huge development in healthcare what are the reasons and solutions for this problem

Poor health increasing despite having a huge development in healthcare what are the reasons and solutions for this problem Xn9VO
Physical health plays an essential role in one’s life. Despite having a massive development in healthcare, a number of people still fail to take care of their bodies. This essay will discuss the main causes of poor health including processed food and excessive use of technology. This essay will also provide solutions on how to take care of your well-being by healthy diet and physical activities. Processed foods are one of the main reason that lead to bad health. In addition, spending long hours on technology has a major impact on a person’s health. Junk food reeks of unhealthy chemicals which can be harmful. Spending too much time on the internet grows laziness in people. For example, when these individuals sit in front of the TV all day, that can slow down the blood flow in they body. while eating junk food can cause serious health issue such as diabetes, obesity and health problems. Having a well-balanced diet and being regularly active improves both mental and physical health. People need to walk and exercise in order to have a healthy heart and mind, as well as staying fit. All while having good nutrition. For example exercise and eating well, improves blood circulation throughout the entire body, strengthen the digestive system, and decreases the risk of suffering from heart attack. Being active and eating clean are both ways to achieve a healthy lifestyle. In conclusion, It is our responsibility to take good care of ourselves both mentally and physically. After all “It is health that in real wealth” said Mahatma Gandhi. This essay discussed two main causes of poor health by consuming fast foods, and excessive use of technology. This essay suggested main ways for better physical healthy by being active and eating wholesome food.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
plays an essential role in one’s life. Despite having a massive development in healthcare, a number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
still
fail to take care of their bodies. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
essay
will discuss the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
causes of poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
including processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of technology. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
essay
will
also
provide solutions on how to take care of your well-being by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
diet and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities.

Processed
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foods
are one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
reason that lead to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
In addition
, spending long hours on technology has a major impact on a person’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. Junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
reeks of unhealthy chemicals which can be harmful. Spending too much time on the internet grows laziness in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
For example
, when these individuals sit in front of the TV all day, that can slow down the blood flow in they body.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
can cause serious
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health
issue such as diabetes, obesity and
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health
problems.

Having a well-balanced diet and being
regularly
active
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
both mental and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
need to walk and exercise in order to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
heart and mind,
as well
as staying fit. All while having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
nutrition.
For example
exercise and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
well,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
blood circulation throughout the entire body, strengthen the digestive system, and decreases the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of suffering from heart attack. Being active and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
clean are both ways to achieve a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyle.

In conclusion
, It is our responsibility to take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
care of ourselves both mentally and
physically
.
“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
all “It is
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health
that in real wealth” said Mahatma Gandhi. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
essay
discussed two
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main
causes of poor
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health
by consuming
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
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foods
, and excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of technology. This
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essay
suggested
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
ways for better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
by being active and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
wholesome
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
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IELTS essay Poor health increasing despite having a huge development in healthcare what are the reasons and solutions for this problem

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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