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Pollution of rivers, lakes and seas is a major concern for people who seek to protect the environment. What are the possible causes of water pollution, and what effects does this have on animal life and human society?

Pollution of rivers, lakes and seas is a major concern for people who seek to protect the environment. What are the possible causes of water pollution, and what effects does this have on animal life and human society? 7aAyY
Water resources pollution such as: rivers, lakes and seas are a substantial problem for people who intend to conserve the nature. There are some factors, resulting in this concern, which are industrialization and human activities; therefore, these have vital impacts on biodiversity and water supplies. There are two compelling reasons why the water is polluted. The main reason is that an array of factories has been contaminating by releasing their dirty substances through water. In other words, the companies, producing industrial items, are located near the water sources and left their hazardous waste to water flow; therefore, the water is poisoned by factories’(such) activities. The next significant one, many people throw their every types of useless items into water sources, and then the rubbish pour and transfer into the water because of the raining. Take the plastic type of litter as an example; people consume almost everyday daily products which have short shelf-life; hence, the nature is surrounded by full of them mixing in to our water sources. The increasing population of the world does not acquire adequate clear water, even more than a billion of them have to move at least one hour to reach to pure water source. In other words, human must purify the polluted water to consume due to human activities. Thus, human society is affected adversely because of deficit of filtered resources. There is another issue on the animal life depending on the altered chemical structure of water, resulting in diminish of biodiversity. To exemplify, the optimum acidic regulation of water deteriorates and causes to collapse of animal habitats. By way of conclusion, the inhabitants of nature are affected by water pollution directly standing on people’ detrimental behaviours on water supplies such as industrial and household waste.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Water
resources pollution such as: rivers, lakes and seas are a substantial problem for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who intend to conserve the nature. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
factors, resulting in this concern, which are industrialization and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
activities;
therefore
, these have vital impacts on biodiversity and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
supplies.

There are two compelling reasons why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
is polluted
. The main reason is that an array of factories has been contaminating by releasing their dirty substances through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
.
In other words
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, producing industrial items,
are located
near the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
sources and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
their hazardous waste to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
flow;
therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
is poisoned
by factories’(such) activities. The
next
significant one,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
throw their every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "type"?
types
of useless items into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
sources, and then the rubbish pour and transfer into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the raining. Take the plastic type of litter as an example;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consume almost everyday daily products which have short shelf-life;
hence
, the nature
is surrounded
by full of them mixing in to our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
sources.

The increasing population of the world does not acquire adequate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
, even more than a billion of them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
at least one hour to reach to pure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
source.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
purify the polluted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
to consume due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
activities.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
society is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
adversely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of deficit of filtered resources. There is another issue on the animal life depending on the altered chemical structure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
, resulting in diminish of biodiversity. To exemplify, the optimum acidic regulation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
deteriorates and causes
Did you mean "collapsing"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'cause' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to collapse
of animal habitats.

By way of conclusion, the inhabitants of nature are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
pollution
directly
standing on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’
detrimental
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
supplies such as industrial and household waste.
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IELTS essay Pollution of rivers, lakes and seas is a major concern for people who seek to protect the environment. What are the possible causes of water pollution, and what effects does this have on animal life and human society?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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