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Playing a musical instrument is the most important achievement for any child. Personal Opinion, agree or disagree? v.1

Playing a musical instrument is the most important achievement for any child. Personal Opinion, agree or disagree? v. 1
These days, some people think that it is necessary to make extra payments for unhealthy meals. They believe that it would induce others to start purchasing of nutritious food. I disagree with this idea and in this essay I will support my opinion with examples. Firstly, the consumption of healthy products is significantly expensive. For example, crackers on the counter with low-calories and nutritional meals are 15-20% higher in price than usual bread. Therefore, the vast cost of some beneficial products evokes the necessity to buy cheaper alternatives, which is unhealthy in most of the cases. I assume that the prices of good meals likely to be decreased to make an acquisition of good food affordable for everyone. Another reason why I disagree is the lack of free time for cooking dishes at home. What I mean by this that there is a plentiful variety of fast-food restaurants that provide “take away” service or delivery comparing to healthy ones. For instance, in my city, there are only two venues with preparing of good meals. As a result, this often leads to usage the amenities of unhealthy cafes. In conclusion, the ability to consume healthy meals now is limited for some people. Personally, I think that the best way to engender people to eat more nutritious foods is the establishment of new price policies for it and the creation of more restaurants with healthy dishes.
These days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is necessary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
extra payments for unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
. They believe that it would induce others to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
purchasing of nutritious food. I disagree with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and in this essay I will support my opinion with examples.

Firstly
, the consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
products is
significantly
expensive.
For example
, crackers on the counter with low-calories and nutritional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
are 15-20% higher in price than usual bread.
Therefore
, the vast cost of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
beneficial products evokes the necessity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
cheaper alternatives, which is unhealthy in most of the cases. I assume that the prices of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
likely to
be decreased
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an acquisition of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
food affordable for everyone.

Another reason why I disagree is the lack of free time for cooking dishes at home. What I mean by this that there is a plentiful variety of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-food restaurants that provide “take away” service or delivery comparing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
ones.
For instance
, in my city, there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
two venues with preparing of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
.
As a result
, this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
leads to usage the amenities of unhealthy
'cafes' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "cafés"
cafes
.

In conclusion
, the ability to consume
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
is limited
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the best way to engender
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to eat more nutritious foods is the establishment of new price policies for it and the creation of more restaurants with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
dishes.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Playing a musical instrument is the most important achievement for any child. Personal Opinion, agree or disagree? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
234 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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