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The bar chart below show the percantage of households in rented and owned apartments in England and Wales in 1919 and 2011 v.1

The bar chart below show the percantage of households in rented and owned apartments in England and Wales in 1919 and 2011 v. 1
There is a controversial notion that students attending university should pay tuition fees by themselves as it is only personal benefits. Although I understand this point of view, I would argue that government should support university students for national growth. Admittedly, there are some disadvantages to supporting university students. To begin with, some people might insist that it is a burden to invest a government's budget in encouraging many pupils to attend higher educational institution. This is because if the governments give many benefits to university students, some people who do not need to go to the university are likely to apply school for a only high status. In addition, this situation might lead them to losing their enough time to think what they want to be and to explore some adventures to their goals. As a result, this could have harmful effects on both individuals and society. However, I still believe that supporting university students can bring about many positive consequences. The increasing number of undergraduates is not only beneficial for individuals, but also for society. For example, well-educated people improve their ability to compete with others in university, obtaining professional knowledge. Due to intense competition, being graduated from university has become a necessary requirment for employment. Therefore, these intelligent people can cause a national development in many ways, helping companies winning in global competition. In conclusion, according to the aforementioned reasons, I understand some drawbacks of helping university students financially, I still believe that this should be seen as a positive development for both individuals and society.
There is a controversial notion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
should pay tuition fees by themselves as it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
personal benefits. Although I understand this point of view, I would argue that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
for national growth.

Admittedly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages to supporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might insist that it is a burden to invest a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's budget in encouraging
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
pupils to attend higher educational institution. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who do not need to go to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
are likely to apply school for
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
high status.
In addition
, this situation might lead them to losing their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
what they want to be and to explore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
adventures to their goals.
As a result
, this could have harmful effects on both individuals and society.

However
, I
still
believe that supporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can bring about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
consequences. The increasing number of undergraduates is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
beneficial for individuals,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for society.
For example
, well-educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their ability to compete with others in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, obtaining professional knowledge. Due to intense competition,
being graduated
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
has become a necessary
Possible spelling mistake found.
requirment
for employment.
Therefore
, these intelligent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can cause a national development in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways, helping
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
winning in global competition.

In conclusion
, according to the aforementioned reasons, I understand
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks of helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
financially
, I
still
believe that this should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development for both individuals and society.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The bar chart below show the percantage of households in rented and owned apartments in England and Wales in 1919 and 2011 v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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