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Physical lessons should be added to school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Physical lessons should be added to school curriculum. AbYe
Nowadays, some people may hold the opinion that physical lessons should be more in order to avoid health issues. I completely agree with this point of view because of reducing the rate of obesity and being energetic. I maintain that increasing physical educational lessons help our young generation to satisfy with their shapes. In other words, it helps children to be at the good shape and avoid various kinds of diseases. It is due to we should save lives, everyone should fight for own life. To illustrate, the majority people of the world die because of obesity. Therefore, physical educational lessons serve us to reduce the rate of diseases. Furthemore, putting more physical educational lessons serve children to be energetic and more attentive in other lessons. To be more precise, pupils are active and productive in other academic subjects too. This is because more children like the subject of physical training and after this lesson their mood is often fine. For instance, if students take part in another subject after physical educational lesson they feel themselves pretty good. Thus, it helps children to grow up physically healthy and mentally smart. In conclusion, reducing the rate of obesity and being energetic in other lessons are the main reasons why i totally agree with this opinion.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may hold the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
should be more in order to avoid health issues. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this point of view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of reducing the rate of obesity and being energetic.

I maintain that increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
our young generation to satisfy with their shapes. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
shape and avoid various kinds of diseases. It is due to we should save
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, everyone should fight for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
life. To illustrate, the majority
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of obesity.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
serve us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the rate of diseases.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Furthemore
, putting more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
serve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be energetic and more attentive in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
. To be more precise, pupils are active and productive in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
academic subjects too. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
like the subject of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
training and after this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lesson
their mood is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
fine.
For instance
, if students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in another subject after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lesson
they feel themselves pretty
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.
Thus
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to grow up
physically
healthy and mentally smart.

In conclusion
, reducing the rate of obesity and being energetic in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
are the main reasons why
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion.
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IELTS essay Physical lessons should be added to school curriculum.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
214 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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