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personal statement to apply university for Mechnical engineering

personal statement to apply university for Mechnical engineering k68kW
Everyone tells me that I was born to become a female engineer as I have always been enthusiastic in Mathematics and sciences. According to my analytical mind, I have always excelled in those subjects throughout my student life. However, I live in Myanmar, a third world country, which is lagging behind in the field of technology and cannot provide a practical education system to systems except poor education. Therefore I am seeking opportunities to study overseas to get a better higher education dealing with new technology innovation. The purpose of this letter is to show my dedication in applying to the Mechanical Engineering course in University of Technology Sydney. I have studied in Yangon Technological University for 3 years majoring in Textile Engineering. Although my specialisation is in Textile, I have also learned many mechanical subjects such as mechanics, mechanical drawing or autoCAD, thermodynamics and so on. I enjoyed learning those subjects and consequently that made me realize that my passion lies with Mechanical Engineering rather than Textile. Nevertheless, our education system does not allow students to change their career path after choosing a major to specialise in, and so I continued to study Textile Engineering and gave my best in whatever I was studying. Today, as Myanmar education has been suspended for over one year due to the pandemic and also the military coup, Myanmar students' potential have been destroyed. For this reason, I have made a decision to start over my education again in a foreign country, and specialize in subjects I have been interested in all along. I know Mechanical Engineering is a quite challenging major but definitely my academic subjects knowledge and acquired past experiences will make me a best student in this program. After researching about many countries and universities, I found out that Australia is the best country to study in because of its high quality education and friendly society. So I contacted my cousin who is studying for a doctoral degree in Australia and got a recommendation to choose UTS. I was impressed from the very first glance of the website and campus, thus making me very eager to study in this university. The main reasons UTS intrigued me are that it can provide practice-based teaching, innovative learning and teaching approach, excellent facilities and social justice. It is a dynamic and innovative university in the heart of Sydney which is my dream city. Experscrising the coup made me conscious about our bad education system and low technology therefore my life goal is to contribute to my country being a more developed place in terms of transportation and industry. Besides, I also dream to spread a better education concerning mechanical engineering to all who do not have a chance to study abroad. To reduce the poverty rate, education is the key so I will try my best to make them familiar with technology and make our country a better place. As UTS is one of the top 200 universities in the world with a good reputation, I believe that it will give me a strong foundation in science concepts and latest technical knowledge in order to achieve my dream as well as UTS will shape me to become a skillful Mechanical Engineer in the future. I appreciate your time and consideration, and I am looking forward to hearing to you soon,
Everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tells
me that I
was born
to become a female engineer as I have always been enthusiastic in Mathematics and sciences. According to my analytical mind, I have always excelled in those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
throughout my student life.
However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in Myanmar, a third world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, which is lagging behind in the field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and cannot provide a practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
except poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
I am seeking opportunities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
overseas to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a better higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
dealing with new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
innovation. The purpose of this letter is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
my dedication in applying to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Mechanical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Engineering
course in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
Sydney.

I have studied in Yangon Technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
for 3 years majoring in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Textile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Engineering
. Although my
Possible spelling mistake. 'specialisation' is British English.
specialisation
is in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Textile
, I have
also
learned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mechanical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as mechanics,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mechanical
drawing or
Possible spelling mistake found.
autoCAD
, thermodynamics and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. I enjoyed learning those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
and
consequently
that made me realize that my passion lies with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Mechanical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Engineering
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Textile
.
Nevertheless
, our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
students to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their career path after choosing a major to
Possible spelling mistake. 'specialise' is British English.
specialise
in, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I continued to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Textile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Engineering
and gave my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
in whatever I was studying.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, as Myanmar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
has
been suspended
for over one year due to the pandemic and
also
the military coup, Myanmar students' potential have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
.
For this reason
, I have made a decision to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
over my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
again in a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, and
Do not mix variants of the same word ('specialize' and 'specialise') within a single text.
specialize
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
I have
been interested
in all along. I know
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Mechanical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Engineering
is a quite challenging major
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
definitely my academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
knowledge and acquired
Consider using "experiences".
past experiences
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
me
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
student in this program.

After researching about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
, I found out that Australia is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its high quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and friendly society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I contacted my cousin who is studying for a doctoral degree in Australia and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a recommendation to choose
Possible spelling mistake found.
UTS
. I
was impressed
from the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
first
glance of the website and campus,
thus
making me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
eager to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. The main reasons
Possible spelling mistake found.
UTS
intrigued me are that it can provide practice-based teaching, innovative learning and teaching approach, excellent facilities and social justice. It is a dynamic and innovative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
in the heart of Sydney which is my dream city.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Experscrising
the coup made me conscious about our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
and low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
therefore
my life goal is to contribute to my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
being a more developed place in terms of transportation and industry.
Besides
, I
also
dream to spread a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
concerning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mechanical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
engineering
to all who do not have a chance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
abroad. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the poverty rate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is the key
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I will try my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them familiar with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
a better place. As
Possible spelling mistake found.
UTS
is one of the top 200
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
in the world with a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reputation, I believe that it will give me a strong foundation in science concepts and latest technical knowledge in order to achieve my dream
as well
as
Possible spelling mistake found.
UTS
will shape me to become a skillful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Mechanical
Engineer in the future. I appreciate your time and consideration, and I am looking forward to hearing to you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
,
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IELTS essay personal statement to apply university for Mechnical engineering

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
557 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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