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personal statement for the university

personal statement for the university n6qr2
My name is Riyam al shaaibi. I am 19 years old. I am from Oman, especially from the east. I just studied in school for 12 years and through my studies in school, I have acquired many skills of cooperation, teamwork and assistance. I also participated in many school events and competitions such as competitions for knowledge development in mathematics and chemistry and I participated in many industrial robot and chemical experiments competitions. Now I have stayed in the United Kingdom and I joined English course in International House school for almost 7 months to improve my English language and to practice for the IELTS test. During my studies at International House School, I learned a lot about the English language and developed my skills in it, especially the skill of speaking, due to how they let us talk and discuss various current events and topics. It also developed my skills in listening, writing and reading, so they gave us many activities and exercises that help acquire language skills. In addition, I am here to study chemistry. and I chose chemistry because I have a passion for studying chemicals and how to deal with them. My presence in the school laboratory was a happiness for me, as I love exploring new things and doing chemical explorations. Consequently in the future, I would like to be a specialist in one of the school laboratories in Oman. Actually, I chose the University of Manchester because it is ranked among the best universities in Britain, which has a high reputation among European universities and because of her scientific history.
My name is
Possible spelling mistake found.
Riyam
Possible spelling mistake found.
al
Possible spelling mistake found.
shaaibi
. I am 19 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. I am from Oman,
especially
from the east.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
studied in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
for 12 years and through my studies in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, I have acquired
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
of cooperation, teamwork and assistance.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
also
participated in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and competitions such as competitions for knowledge development in mathematics and chemistry and I participated in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
industrial robot and chemical experiments competitions.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
I have stayed in the United Kingdom and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
English course in International
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
House
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
for almost 7 months to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
my English language and to practice for the IELTS
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
. During my studies at International
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
House
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
School
, I learned a lot about the English language and developed my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
in it,
especially
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
of speaking, due to how they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
us talk and discuss various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and topics. It
also
developed my
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skills
in listening, writing and reading,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they gave us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
activities and exercises that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
acquire language
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

In addition
, I am here to study chemistry.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
and
I chose chemistry
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I have a passion for studying chemicals and how to deal with them. My presence in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
laboratory was a happiness for me, as I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
exploring new things and doing chemical explorations.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Consequently
in the future, I would like to be a specialist in one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
laboratories in Oman.

Actually, I chose the University of Manchester
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
is ranked
among the best universities in Britain, which has a high reputation among European universities and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of her scientific history.
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IELTS essay personal statement for the university

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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