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personal statement for scholarship

personal statement for scholarship 5BaAm
I am a sophomore at USSH (VNU-HCMC) majoring in International Relations. Does it sound insignificant to you? Many would say ‘yes’’, claiming that we are not looking for. However, if you continue to read, you can find this note about me is not as bland as it sounds. Being born and raised by a poor family in a rural area, neither of my parents received a proper education. To my parents, pursuing higher education was somehow like chasing a vague dream while quitting school to do laboring work was a more practical way to cope with the financial burden. I, therefore, grew up being traumatized periodically with fears that I would become a dropout. That nightmare once hit me hard for a year, during which my parents left our homeland for an industrial province to work as factory workers. I had no other choice, but to follow them at the age of nine. Ironically, I was saved from being illiterate by returning to the village, where I was reborn with a new life to restart my ambitious education path. Although my pursuit of education was constantly challenged by my parents, I consider this is not solely their mistakes, because, sadly, the society that I was in back then share no difference in perspective compared to my “illiterate” parents. In 9th grade, while practicing representing my school for an English Eloquence contest, my teacher commented that: “downtown-students are out of remote students’ league. ’’ Later, I deeply understood why that rooted prejudice was labeled upon me and many. However, through my efforts, I brought home an unprecedented second place. Though I have not had any major achievements except for that English award, it is still a powerful message conveying how I overcame all skepticism, at least proving to my teacher a child with many disadvantages can still afford not to lose his hope. My dream is that every human on Earth will be treated equitably in accessing an inclusive wellbeing and resilience education. That leads me into taking action to redefine society. I formed a small English self-learning group of students living in my dormitory. Today, we run a well-equipped room for weekly gatherings to immerse ourselves in an English-spoken environment. I have discovered my great potential in collaborating and inspiring in order to activate our group effectively without hindering our studies. Reflecting on my life, my actions would be the strongest commitment to the program about how and what I will contribute. I commit myself to pursue the civic journey in the long run as I did with my schooling. Being selected for the YSEALI Academic Fellowship will be an inspirational tool to raise voices for underprivileged students in my hometown and influence many parents like my parents to have faith in the power of education. The more people know about the power of education, the more actions will be taken to advance our society, making it a better place for all walks of life.
I am a sophomore at
USSH
(
VNU-HCMC
) majoring in International Relations. Does it sound insignificant to you?
Many
would say ‘yes’’, claiming that we are not looking for.

However
, if you continue to read, you can find this note about me is not as bland as it sounds.

Being born
and raised by a poor family in a rural area, neither of my
parents
received a proper
education
. To my
parents
, pursuing higher
education
was somehow like chasing a vague dream while quitting school to do laboring work was a more practical way to cope with the financial burden. I,
therefore
, grew up
being traumatized
periodically
with fears that I would become a dropout. That nightmare once hit me
hard
for a year, during which my
parents
left
our homeland for an industrial province to work as factory workers. I had no other choice,
but
to follow them at the age of nine.
Ironically
, I
was saved
from being illiterate by returning to the village, where I was reborn with a new life to restart my ambitious
education
path.

Although my pursuit of
education
was
constantly
challenged by my
parents
, I consider this is not
solely
their mistakes,
because
,
sadly
, the society that I was in back then share no difference in perspective compared to my “illiterate”
parents
. In 9th grade, while practicing representing my school for an English Eloquence contest, my teacher commented that: “downtown-students are out of remote students’ league. ’’ Later, I
deeply
understood why that rooted prejudice
was labeled
upon me and
many
.
However
, through my efforts, I brought home an unprecedented second place. Though I have not had any major achievements
except for
that English award, it is
still
a powerful message conveying how I overcame all skepticism, at least proving to my teacher a child with
many
disadvantages can
still
afford not to lose his hope.

My dream is that every human on Earth will
be treated
equitably
in accessing an inclusive
wellbeing
and resilience
education
. That leads me into taking action to redefine society. I formed a
small
English self-learning group of students living in my dormitory.
Today
, we run a well-equipped room for weekly gatherings to immerse ourselves in an English-spoken environment. I have discovered my great potential in collaborating and inspiring in order to activate our group
effectively
without hindering our studies.

Reflecting on my life, my actions would be the strongest commitment to the program about how and what I will contribute. I commit myself to pursue the civic journey in the long run as I did with my schooling.
Being selected
for the
YSEALI
Academic Fellowship will be an inspirational tool to raise voices for underprivileged students in my hometown and influence
many
parents
like my
parents
to have faith in the power of
education
. The more
people
know about the power of
education
, the more actions will
be taken
to advance our society, making it a better place for all walks of life.
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IELTS essay personal statement for scholarship

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
495 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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