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Personal information is readily available in the Internet to simplify today's life. Is it a negative or positive trend?

Personal information is readily available in the Internet to simplify today's life. Is it a negative or positive trend? m16X1
At present, it is sometimes believed that personal data revealed online helps to make our life easier. I strongly believe that sharing personal information on the internet could have a potential danger and might put a person at great risk. Firstly, this essay will discuss the possibility of being attacked by cybercriminals, and secondly, it will analyze the danger of cyberbullying. The primary reason why it is crucial to protect information online, such as date of birth, phone number, the address is cybercriminals may be able to access a person's financial accounts, credit cards, and other assets. By oversharing online, cybercriminals may piece together someone's identity from information that is publicly available about a person or by hacking databases. As a result, criminals or hackers who stole the person's identity may lie about who they are and purchase things on this name and could have access to credit cards. According to recent research by Kaspersky, which is an internet security program, in 2019 about 60 percent of people suffered from cybercriminals. Yet another point to consider is that criminals may use the content shared by an individual on social media to bullying a person. The reason for this is that people share their content online, both personal, as well as any negative or harmful, create records of their views, behavior, and activities, which may be accessible to schools, employers, and others who may be researching an individual now and in the future. Hence, some people may use this data aimed at scaring, angering, or shaming those who are a target by spreading lies about or embarrassing photos, sending harmful messages on social media. For example, having carried out research among school students almost 60% suffer from bullying on social media. In conclusion, I am highly convinced that oversharing personal data is a huge problem that has a negative outcome. It is for this reason that criminals may use personal data for their aims and there is a danger of being a victim of cyberbullying.
At present, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
revealed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our life easier. I
strongly
believe that sharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
information on the internet could have a potential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
and might put a person at great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
.
Firstly
, this essay will discuss the possibility of
being attacked
by cybercriminals, and
secondly
, it will analyze the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
of cyberbullying.

The primary reason why it is crucial to protect information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, such as date of birth, phone number, the address is cybercriminals may be able to access a person's financial accounts, credit cards, and other assets. By oversharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, cybercriminals may piece together someone's identity from information
that is
publicly
available about a person or by hacking databases.
As a result
, criminals or hackers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
stole the person's identity may lie about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
they are and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
things on this name and could have access to credit cards. According to recent research by Kaspersky, which is an internet security program, in 2019 about 60 percent of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
suffered from cybercriminals.

Yet
another point to consider is that criminals may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the content shared by an individual on social media to bullying a person.
The reason for this is
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
share their content
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
,
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
any
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
or harmful, create records of their views, behavior, and activities, which may be accessible to schools, employers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
may be researching an individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
and in the future.
Hence
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
aimed at scaring, angering, or shaming those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are a target by spreading lies about or embarrassing photos, sending harmful messages on social media.
For example
, having carried out research among school students almost 60% suffer from bullying on social media.

In conclusion
, I am
highly
convinced that oversharing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
is a huge problem that has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
outcome. It is
for this reason
that criminals may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
for their aims and there is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
of being a victim of cyberbullying.
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IELTS essay Personal information is readily available in the Internet to simplify today's life. Is it a negative or positive trend?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
334 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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