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personal experiences is more valuable rather than knowledge is gained from books

personal experiences is more valuable rather than knowledge is gained from books gb1gd
Whether the knowledge is gained from our personal experiences is more valuable rather than knowledge is gained from books or not seems to be controversial. There are a number of people who argue that personal experience and subsequent knowledge is more worthy; however, in my opinion, for two reasons our knowledge we obtain from books are more valuable. The primary reason why I am supporting my idea lies in the fact that this information is proven. When we study some proved findings, there is no concern about their subsequent. In other words, previous scientists worked on that information, and they did a number of experiments on them. Also, successful individuals have used of that knowledge. On the other hand, people's longevity is so limited that perform lots of experiments on new hypothesis and take some risk. Furthermore, not only personal experiments are time-consuming, but also they are not cost effective. Another subtle point that I should consider is the fact that books' information is the base and materials of the new knowledge. Indeed, if we understand concepts which are explained in the books very well, we will be able to use of them for gaining some new information. My own experience is a compelling illustration of what I mean. As an academic person in Tehran University, I use of reference books to make new theories. Last year I presented new idea about evolution, which was based on Darwin’s theory. I could not represent my theory without using of Darwin’s books. According the reasons have been discussed in the preceding paragraphs, it can be claimed that books' information is valuable because of the fact that these are proved and basic materials for producing new notions. I strongly suggest governments to focus on books and basic concepts at primary schools which are great places for growing creative persons in the future.
Whether the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
is gained
from our personal experiences is more valuable
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
is gained
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
or not seems to be controversial. There are a number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who argue that personal experience and subsequent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
is more worthy;
however
, in my opinion, for two reasons our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
we obtain from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are more valuable.

The primary reason why I am supporting my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
lies in the fact that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is proven
. When we study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
proved findings, there is no concern about their subsequent.
In other words
, previous scientists worked on that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
, and they did a number of experiments on them.
Also
, successful individuals have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
of that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
.
On the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's longevity is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
limited that perform lots of experiments on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
hypothesis and take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
.
Furthermore
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
personal experiments are time-consuming,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they are not cost effective.

Another subtle point that I should consider is the fact that books'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is the base and materials of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
.
Indeed
, if we understand concepts which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well, we will be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of them for gaining
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
. My
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience is a compelling illustration of what I mean. As an academic person in Tehran University, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of reference
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
theories. Last year I presented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
about evolution, which
was based
on Darwin’s theory. I could not represent my theory without using of Darwin’s books.

It appears that a preposition is missing after 'According'.
According the
reasons have
been discussed
in the preceding paragraphs, it can
be claimed
that books'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is valuable
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "because".
because of the fact that
these
are proved
and basic materials for producing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
notions. I
strongly
suggest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
to focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
and basic concepts at primary schools which are great places for growing creative persons in the future.
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IELTS essay personal experiences is more valuable rather than knowledge is gained from books

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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