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Personal characteristics and howe we develop it

Personal characteristics and howe we develop it VQ9DJ
Some parties believe that the main variable which influences our characteristics of personality and the encouragement to develop ourselves is the genetics. In this essay, I will provide a reason why I have to partially support that opinion by showing a relevant theory from psychology that I have learnt. Nevertheless, I could not avoid to argue my own mind construction that the precedent argument, however, could lead us to become an egoist. To begin, I have been reading a theory that directed by an Austrian scientist called Sigmund Freud. According to him, there are three points that could influence our personality as well as the desire to develop it. The first one, namely genetics, contributes as many as 50 percent of these conditions. Therefore, it should be accepted that this reason, in fact, plays a crucial role. However, another things that definitely give an influence are social environment and our personal motivation which come from our interactions with a number of people. Both of them equally have the same percentage, namely 25 percent. Hence, the genetics cannot become a forever background of our distinct characteristics and their development. Regarding this, I have realized that our opinion to decline the influences of social circumstances is too excessive. We cannot avoid that there are numerous of people’s arguments can build our personal paradigm. For instance, when we are talking with our parents, we will be inspirated by the way of their life. Subsequently, this enlightment potentially will become our fundamental mindset. In a nutshell, I agree that our personality and its improvisation have been influenced by our genetics. Nevertheless, in this case, we have to understand that our social life also has a vital position.
Some
parties believe that the main variable which
influences
our characteristics of personality and the encouragement to develop ourselves is the genetics. In this essay, I will provide a reason why I
have to
partially
support that opinion by showing a relevant theory from psychology that I have
learnt
.
Nevertheless
, I could not
avoid to argue
my
own
mind construction that the precedent argument,
however
, could lead us to become an egoist.

To
begin
, I have been reading a theory that directed by an Austrian scientist called Sigmund Freud. According to him, there are three points that could
influence
our personality
as well
as the desire to develop it. The
first
one,
namely
genetics, contributes as
many
as 50 percent of these conditions.
Therefore
, it should be
accepted
that this reason, in fact, plays a crucial role.
However
, another things that definitely give an
influence
are social environment and our personal motivation which
come
from our interactions with a number of
people
. Both of them
equally
have the same percentage,
namely
25 percent.
Hence
, the genetics cannot become a forever background of our distinct characteristics and their development.

Regarding this, I have realized that our opinion to decline the
influences
of social circumstances is too excessive. We cannot avoid that there are numerous of
people
’s arguments can build our personal paradigm.
For instance
, when we are talking with our parents, we will be
inspirated
by the way of their life.
Subsequently
, this
enlightment
potentially
will become our fundamental mindset.

In a nutshell, I
agree
that our personality and its improvisation have
been influenced
by our genetics.
Nevertheless
,
in this case
, we
have to
understand that our social life
also
has a vital position.
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IELTS essay Personal characteristics and howe we develop it

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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