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perosnal statement for birmingham

perosnal statement for birmingham Y2Y9d
We wake up in the morning and we decide what to wear or what to eat. Most of us think we make choices because of who we are. Actually, we are our own choices, we become who we are by making choices since we were born just because we are the creative force of our life. In fact, the most important factor that determined my choices was my extracurricular activities with the people I met there. I worked as a promoter, a participant, and a spectator in numerous organizations such as MUN and TED Talks. As Einstein believed, it is useless to pile up only information, we ought to process that knowledge, and we need to give time to breathe while processing it. To this end, I also took part in leisure time activities to rest my brain. When I was in 3rd grade, with the encouragement of an English teacher, I started playing guitar. We had a tiny school band and used to give concerts in our district. In my high school, I was founded the first women soccer team in the school and became the 3rd in the district. Unfortunately, I had to take a break due to the pandemic restrictions. Due to born in a technology age, I have always been involved with technology while growing up. For instance, my cousin, whom I see as my own brother, had been working on computers since he was young, and eventually he became a successful engineer. Meanwhile, he taught me the binary digit system, loops and so on. Also, I learned how to make a flowchart by writing Pseudo code before going to the university. Not to mention that I am currently working on C++ programming. However, to be honest, my knowledge for C language is much better, but I believe that I will improve my C++ language skills as well. Moreover, the fact that my parents were math teachers has always led me to think logically, I realized that I was always carrying out my actions by setting up an algorithm involuntarily in my brain. Therefore, I can surely say that my desire leads me to computer science. Because I am concerned people can not be ambitious and successful in the topics which they really do not interested in, I believe that computer science is the best area to be studied with enthusiasm for me and I can move forward without losing my sense of curiosity. Thanks to my foreign friends, I found that studying in different countries is more beneficial in terms of self-development. Also, I know that studying abroad gives self-confidence and courage. While in the USA, Kosovo, Macedonia etc. , I always came across Turkish students who went to study there. I was impressed by the fact that their foreign language skills were so advanced, they were also people who live independently and were able to stand on their own feet. In the same way, I was familiar with English from a supremely young age through my parents’ ability to speak English, I have 6. 5 points from the IELTS. Thanks to my mother and my family member who was born in Germany or lives in there, I could improve my German. However, I could not have any German proficiency due to coronavirus. These observations have been extremely useful for me to understand what I expect from a university and I realized that the education system in my own country was very different from my expectations. Being successful both socially and academically was immensely difficult in our educational conditions. In particular, the United Kingdom has produced the world's greatest leaders and scientists. So, England can open a great number of doors for me to reach my dream career and to improve my skills which is related to my aims. As someone who grew up in conditions where it is very difficult to think independently, I would like to see the opportunities that UK will offer me. Thinking originally in my nation is getting more and more difficult, young people are losing their inspiration. However, I would prefer not to be someone who lost innovative soul and live simply to live. Also, It is irrefutably obvious that it will be hard for me to accomplish my aims alone, so I should be as a team from individuals with dynamic spirits like me. I might likewise want to encounter the joy of studying in a school where I can get a circle that will keep me from losing my energy and push me to improve. Due to the increasing number of unemployed graduates in Turkey, it is nearly 4 million in 2020, students cannot focus enough on their lessons due to the concern of finding a job after university. I firmly believe UK will keep me away from this stress and allow me to focus only on my education.
We wake up in the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
morning and
we decide what to wear or what to eat. Most of us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
we are. Actually, we are our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
, we become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
we are by making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
since we
were born
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we are the creative force of our life.

In fact, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor that determined my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
was my extracurricular activities with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
I met there. I worked as a promoter, a participant, and a spectator in numerous organizations such as MUN and TED Talks. As Einstein believed, it is useless to pile up
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
information, we ought to process that knowledge, and we need to give time to breathe while processing it. To this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, I
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
took part
in leisure time activities to rest my brain. When I was in 3rd grade, with the encouragement of an English teacher, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
playing guitar. We had a tiny
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
band and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to give concerts in our district. In my high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, I
was founded
the
first
women soccer team in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and became the 3rd in the district. Unfortunately, I had to take a break
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the pandemic restrictions.

Due to born in a technology age, I have always
been involved
with technology while growing up.
For instance
, my cousin, whom I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
as my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
brother, had been working on computers since he was young, and
eventually
he became a successful engineer. Meanwhile, he taught me the binary digit system, loops and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Also
, I learned how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a flowchart by writing Pseudo code
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
going to the university. Not to mention that I am
currently
working on C++ programming.
However
, to be honest, my knowledge for C language is much better,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe that I will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
my C++ language
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
as well
.
Moreover
, the fact that my parents were math teachers has always led me to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
logically
, I realized that I was always carrying out my actions by setting up an algorithm
involuntarily
in my brain.
Therefore
, I can
surely
say that my desire leads me to computer science.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
I
am concerned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can not be ambitious and successful in the topics which they
really
do not interested in, I believe that computer science is the best area to
be studied
with enthusiasm for me and I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
forward without losing my sense of curiosity.

Thanks to my foreign friends, I found that studying in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries is more beneficial in terms of self-development.
Also
, I know that studying abroad gives self-confidence and courage. While in the USA, Kosovo, Macedonia etc.
Put a space after the comma, but not before the comma
,
I always came across Turkish students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
went to study there. I
was impressed
by the fact that their foreign language
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
advanced, they were
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
independently
and were able to stand on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
feet.
In the same way
, I was familiar with English from a
supremely
young age through my parents’ ability to speak English, I have 6. 5 points from the IELTS. Thanks to my mother and my family member
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
was born
in Germany or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
in there, I could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
my German.
However
, I could not have any German proficiency
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to coronavirus. These observations have been
extremely
useful for me to understand what I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
from a university and I realized that the education system in my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
country was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from my expectations. Being successful both
socially
and
academically
was
immensely
difficult in our educational conditions.

In particular
, the United Kingdom has produced the world's greatest leaders and scientists.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, England can open a great number of doors for me to reach my dream career and to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which
is related
to my aims. As someone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
grew up in conditions where it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
independently
, I would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the opportunities that UK will offer me. Thinking
originally
in my nation is getting more and more difficult, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are losing their inspiration.
However
, I would prefer not to be someone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
lost innovative soul and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
simply
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
.
Also
, It is
irrefutably
obvious that it will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for me to accomplish my aims alone,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I should be as a team from individuals with dynamic spirits like me. I might
likewise
want to encounter the joy of studying in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
where I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a circle that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
me from losing my energy and push me to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Due
to the increasing number of unemployed graduates in Turkey, it is
nearly
4 million in 2020, students cannot focus
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
on their lessons
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the concern of finding a job after university. I
firmly
believe UK will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
me away from this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
me to focus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on my education.
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IELTS essay perosnal statement for birmingham

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
812 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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