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percentage of overweight children in western countries have increased by 20% in the last 10 years. is technology to be blamed

percentage of overweight children in western countries have increased by 20% in the last 10 years. is technology to be blamed 15AnM
The last ten years have witnessed various developments in terms of technology and interventions This has led to a dramatic increase in the business of fast food chains and restaurants. Therefore, it is not a surprise that the percentage of overweight children in western countries have increased by 20% in the last 10 years. This essay will discuss how the development of technology and busy lifestyle has led to an unhealthy lifestyle and an increase in the BMI of the children in developed nations, posing a major problem: Obesity. Technology can be a blessing but also a curse at the same time. With the development of smart phones (Apple and Android) the use of applications (“apps”) has become so common. Every necessity, including home delivery of food items at your doorstep has become such an accessible idea. Applications such as “uber eats” and “skip the dishes” come to the rescue when individuals are unable to cook. This, although being a choice has now become an unhealthy habit for many families; leading to an increase in the percentage of households ordering food “online”. Moreover, with a busy lifestyle in developed nations, it is becoming a difficult task for families to have a “healthy home cooked meal” on many days. Therefore, uber eats is now becoming one of the most used applications in order to order food. Children from such families, where both the parents have a busy work life; order food from these applications. Since fast food chains such as McDonalds and KFC are the fastest to deliver, people tend to order the most from these chains. The increased amount of cholesterol and fat in these food items are unhealthy and since it is now becoming a regular habit; Obesity and overweight are common. Also, another important aspect of increase in the weight of children in developed nation is the development of “online gaming” on iPads and smart phones. Unlike the past, where children used to go out to play soccer and tennis; now with all these games which also include a virtual player (which can also be their friend playing from their respective homes) it is more easier for children to indulge in such games in the comfort of their home. This leads to lack of exercise, activity and laziness. Therefore, a higher risk factor for children being obese. To sum up, although we have made a huge progress over the last ten years in terms of technology; it is also essential to identify issues that this can pose on children. Obesity is a predisposing factor for many diseases; therefore, it is important to recognize this as serious problem and work towards the promotion of a healthy lifestyle. A cut down in the usage time of these devices, especially in children would be a great start in working towards the betterment of this situation.
The last ten years have witnessed various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developments
in terms of technology and interventions This has led to a dramatic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in the business of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
chains and restaurants.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
, it is not a surprise that the percentage of overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in western countries have increased by 20% in the last 10 years. This essay will discuss how the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of technology and busy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
has led to an unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
and an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in the BMI of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in developed nations, posing a major problem: Obesity.

Technology can be a blessing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
a curse at the same time. With the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of smart phones (Apple and Android) the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applications
(“apps”) has become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
common. Every necessity, including home delivery of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
items at your doorstep has become such an accessible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Applications
such as “
Possible spelling mistake found.
uber
eats” and “skip the dishes”
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to the rescue when individuals are unable to cook. This, although being a choice has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
become an unhealthy habit for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
families; leading to an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in the percentage of households ordering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
“online”.

Moreover
, with a busy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
in developed nations, it is becoming a difficult task for families to have a “healthy home cooked meal” on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
days.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
uber
eats is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
becoming one of the most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applications
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
from such families, where both the parents have a busy work life;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
from these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applications
. Since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
chains such as
Did you mean the fast food chain "McDonald's" (always spelled with a possessive apostrophe)?
McDonalds
and KFC are the fastest to deliver,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
the most from these chains. The increased amount of cholesterol and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
items are unhealthy and since it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
becoming a regular habit; Obesity and overweight are common.

Also
, another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in the weight of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in developed nation is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of “online gaming” on iPads and smart phones. Unlike the past, where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to go out to play soccer and tennis;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
with all these games which
also
include a virtual player (which can
also
be their friend playing from their respective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes)
it is
Use only "easier" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more easier
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to indulge in such games in the comfort of their home. This leads to lack of exercise, activity and laziness.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
, a higher
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
factor for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
being obese.

To sum up, although we have made
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "huge progress".
a huge progress
over the last ten years in terms of technology; it is
also
essential to identify issues that this can pose on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Obesity is a predisposing factor for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diseases;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
therefore
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to recognize this as serious problem and work towards the promotion of a healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down in the usage time of these devices,
especially
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would be a great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
in working towards the betterment of this situation.
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IELTS essay percentage of overweight children in western countries have increased by 20% in the last 10 years. is technology to be blamed

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
474 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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