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Nowadays, young people are dying from different illnesses. What are the reasons? What are possible solutions?

Nowadays, young people are dying from different illnesses. What are the reasons? What are possible solutions? 85dgk
These days, many people are passing away in spite of their young ages. There are several illnesses causing this trend such as lung cancer, obesity, AIDS. But measures could be certainly taken to cope with challenges. Illnesses in young people can be caused by variety of factors. One reason for health issues is smoking, which leads to lung cancer. For example, a person who starts to smoke cigarettes consisting of many harmful and addictive substances from ages of 17-18, is going to have issues with breathing after 10 or less years. A young person who is physically inactive and eats processed food might develop obesity. Obesity eventually causes fat to deposit in blood vessels and stops blood to flow. Consequently, results in heart attacks and death. Finally, there is a very dangerous disease without any cures, called AIDS (acquired immunodeficiency syndrome). This disease is mostly spread by contact of body fluids. For example, during unprotected sexual intercourse, or through sharing injection drug equipment. Fortunately, there are many ways to prevent these life-threatening illnesses. By quitting smoking, one can get rid of risk of developing lung cancer. This can protect the person from many future cancers as well. Treatment of obesity can be achieved by healthy lifestyle which is obtained by eating whole foods, increasing daily exercise, low stress levels. Finally, AIDS can be simply avoided by using protection during sexual intercourse. For example, using condoms, taking in special medications. High mortality level of young people nowadays is a very critical problem. However, I believe that having healthy and protected lifestyle might avail most of the diseases.
These days,
many
people
are passing away
in spite of
their
young
ages. There are several illnesses causing this trend such as lung
cancer
, obesity, AIDS.
But
measures could be
certainly
taken to cope with challenges.

Illnesses in
young
people
can
be caused
by variety of factors. One reason for health issues is smoking, which leads to lung
cancer
.
For example
, a person who
starts
to smoke cigarettes consisting of
many
harmful and addictive substances from ages of 17-18, is going to have issues with breathing after 10 or
less
years. A
young
person who is
physically
inactive and eats processed food might develop obesity. Obesity
eventually
causes
fat
to deposit in blood vessels and
stops
blood to flow.
Consequently
, results in heart attacks and death.
Finally
, there is a
very
dangerous
disease without any cures, called AIDS (acquired immunodeficiency syndrome). This disease is
mostly
spread by contact of body fluids.
For example
, during unprotected sexual intercourse, or through sharing injection drug equipment.

Fortunately
, there are
many
ways to
prevent
these life-threatening illnesses. By quitting smoking, one can
get
rid of
risk
of developing lung
cancer
. This can protect the person from
many
future
cancers
as well
. Treatment of obesity can
be achieved
by healthy lifestyle which
is obtained
by eating whole foods, increasing daily exercise, low
stress
levels.
Finally
, AIDS can be
simply
avoided by using protection during sexual intercourse.
For example
, using condoms, taking in special medications.

High mortality level of
young
people
nowadays is a
very
critical problem.
However
, I believe that having healthy and protected lifestyle might avail most of the diseases.
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IELTS essay Nowadays, young people are dying from different illnesses. What are the reasons? What are possible solutions?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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