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University students focus on subjects. However, some people think that students also focus on other activities . To what extent do you agree or disagree?

University students focus on subjects. However, some people think that students also focus on other activities. 9LwrX
University is the place where students get depth information about the subject along with practical skills. Although, some individuals say that students should only focus on teaching, they must enrol in other extracurricular activities said by opponent people. I strongly say that other curricular activities are being played crucial part of the university experience. This essay will emphasize some supportive arguments to my opinion and relevant example. To commence with, there are several arguments which prove that students must participate in other activities. First and foremost, educational subjects are not being provided the skills of leadership, co-operation with colleagues; however, this is only possible by participation in competitions and other events. Hence, by participation of events, in leter life, a layman will not face problems during work with the opposite gender and express their idea with others. For example, according to Mumbai university, over 95% of leaders has been developed by participation in events in school or college period. There is one more supportive argument, besides this, spending most of times with books can be the possible reason of increased stress level, so that by other curricular activities, pupils can acquire refresh mind and elevate concentration level; therefore, they will focus on study as well as other routine activities. For instance, students has concentrate more if they can participate in other competitions; said by Dr. Vikash shah (doctor of brain hospital (Delhi)). Apart from all above mentioned arguments, there is one argument, which support to alternative view. The most profound one is, by giving more importance to other recreational activities, students who cannot concentrate on their study and feel hesitation during exams; therefore, they are being gotten lower grades in study and open the door of unsuccessful life. For example, according to Mumbai university, over 35% of pupils in India, had not been focusing on study due to enrollment in other activities. Henceforth to conclude, it is clear that with the help of extracurricular activity, pupils can more focus on study and develop some important skills like leadership, cooperation, whist by participation, they lost concentration in study. I strongly say that extra activities play a crucial role in students' life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
is the place where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
depth information about the subject along with practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Although,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
focus on teaching, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
enrol in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
extracurricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
said by opponent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. I
strongly
say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
curricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are
being played
crucial part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
experience. This essay will emphasize
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
supportive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arguments
to my opinion and relevant example.

To commence with, there are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arguments
which prove that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
First
and foremost, educational subjects are not
being provided
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of leadership, co-operation with colleagues;
however
, this is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
possible by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participation
in competitions and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.
Hence
, by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participation
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, in
Possible spelling mistake found.
leter
life, a layman will not face problems during work with the opposite gender and express their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
with others.
For example
, according to Mumbai
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, over 95% of leaders has
been developed
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participation
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
in school or college period.

There is one more supportive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
,
besides
this, spending
After 'most of', you should use 'the' ("most of the times") or simply say "most times".
most of times
with books can be the possible reason of increased
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
level,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
curricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, pupils can acquire refresh mind and elevate concentration level;
therefore
, they will focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
routine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
has concentrate more if they can participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
competitions; said by Dr.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Vikash
shah (doctor of brain hospital (Delhi)).

Apart from all above mentioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arguments
, there is one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
argument
, which support to alternative view. The most profound one is, by giving more importance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
recreational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who cannot concentrate on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
and feel hesitation during exams;
therefore
, they are
being gotten
lower grades in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
and open the door of unsuccessful life.
For example
, according to Mumbai
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, over 35% of pupils in India, had not been focusing on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
due to enrollment in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
activities.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Henceforth
to conclude
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of extracurricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
, pupils can more focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
and develop
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
like leadership, cooperation, whist by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
participation
, they lost concentration in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. I
strongly
say that extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
play a crucial role in students' life.
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IELTS essay University students focus on subjects. However, some people think that students also focus on other activities.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
360 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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