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Percentage of house holds with electronical mahcine and number of housework as per week per households

Percentage of house holds with electronical mahcine and number of housework as per week per households W5yGb
The line graphes compare the proportion of households in washing machine, refrigerator and vacuum cleaner in between 1920to 2019. Overall, according to the percentage of housework with electronical appliances rose in the intial year as compared to end of the year but number of hours of households per week were higher to lower in a periods of time. . In 1920, refrigerator was almost 0% but it was grow dramatic in next 67years at approximately 100 %, and it se in upto 1980 to 2000. On the other hand, the vacuum cleaner was 30%, and washing machine was 40% in the starting years, then both were get up slightly, and same in year 1960 at almost 60%. Moreover, in the last year, washing machine was declined then vacuum cleaner as compare to around 30%. By contrast, the number of hours of households as per week was 50 hours by 1920 years. tgen it dipped significantly from 30 hours in the year 1960. However, the number of hours per week of households almost plateau for the given years at 10 hours per week.
The line
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graphes
compare the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
households
in washing machine, refrigerator and vacuum cleaner in between 1920to 2019.
Overall
, according to the percentage of housework with
Possible spelling mistake found.
electronical
appliances rose in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
intial
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year
as compared to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the
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year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
households
per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
were higher to lower in
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a period" or simply "periods"?
a periods
of time.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
In 1920, refrigerator was almost 0%
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it was
Consider using a past participle here: "grown".
grow
dramatic in
next
67years at approximately 100 %, and it
Possible spelling mistake found.
se
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
upto
1980 to 2000.
On the other hand
, the vacuum cleaner was 30%, and washing machine was 40% in the starting years, then both
Did you mean "where" or "we"?
were
Consider using a past participle here: "got", "gotten".
get
up
slightly
, and same in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
1960 at almost 60%.
Moreover
, in the last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
, washing machine
was declined
then vacuum cleaner as compare to around 30%. By contrast, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
households
as per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
was 50
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
by 1920 years.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
tgen
it dipped
significantly
from 30
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hours
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
1960.
However
, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
households
almost plateau for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
years at 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
.
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IELTS essay Percentage of house holds with electronical mahcine and number of housework as per week per households

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
182 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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