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Percentage of Canadians gave money to charitable organnizations.

Percentage of Canadians gave money to charitable organnizations. 0lo8G
First of all, it can be seen a great group of Canadians between 18 to 49 gave more money in 2000 than in 2015. Nevertheless, in 2015 the donor rate only increased in the 50 to 64 Canadians'group. In 2000, the number of charitable donations were increasing from 20% to 35. 5%. On the other hand, by 2015 it is noted the 18 to 24 group had a 10% decrease. It is generally believed that older people are those who have more contributions to charity than younger people. But, it is observed that in 200 young people considered making their donations to charity. However, older people in 2000 decreased their contributions to charity. To summarise, it can be said that there is a balanced donation between the two groups. For example, in 2000 and in 2015 there is just a minor difference among the donators, it can be said it only. 5 percentage.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a great group of Canadians
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 18 and 49".
between 18 to 49
gave more money in 2000 than in 2015.
Nevertheless
, in 2015 the donor rate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
increased in the 50 to 64 Canadians'group. In 2000, the number of charitable donations were increasing from 20% to 35. 5%.
On the other hand
, by 2015 it
is noted
the 18 to 24 group had a 10% decrease. It is
generally
believed that older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are those who have more contributions to charity than younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, it
is observed
that in 200 young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
considered making their donations to charity.
However
, older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in 2000 decreased their contributions to charity.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
, it can
be said
that there is a balanced donation between the two groups.
For example
, in 2000 and in 2015 there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a minor difference among the
Possible spelling mistake found.
donators
, it can
be said
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
. 5 percentage.

IELTS essay Percentage of Canadians gave money to charitable organnizations.

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
153 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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