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People’sshopping habits depend more on theagegroup they belong to than other factors. To what extent do you agree or disagree v.1

People’sshopping habits depend more on theagegroup they belong to than other factors. v. 1
Nowadays, the approach of whether charging visitors of museums or not as an entrance fees is becoming increasingly debatable. While some people believe that it is better for museums to charge people upon their entries than let them enter for free, I would argue that how the advantages of free charges outweigh the disadvantages. Considering firstly the negatives of entrance fees, one of the most significant disadvantages for such approach is that the high admission fees. The reason behind this is that many families cannot have the ability to afford such fees, especially if they have more than 2 or 3 children. For instance, the entrée fees for the museum of Petra in Jordan requires 100 dollars for each visitor, so that a family of five will pay 500 dollars to see the museum, which is considered as a very high amount. In contrast, if the management reduces the amount of entry, the museum will expect an increasing number of visitors, and thus higher income than before. Nevertheless, the main advantages of free charge entries are that they often encourage people to see what is inside a museum, and therefore being more knowledgeable in others’ cultures. To illustrate, the Egyptian government announced that there will be no more entry fees for those who visit a museum in Cairo, so that people are allowed to visit the Pharaohs museums without having to pay a penny. As a result, the government plays a crucial role in enriching people’s minds with ancient civilizations that lived in Egypt thousands of years ago, and by doing so, the economic growth will rise. In conclusion, I think the advantages of adding more knowledge to the people and flourishing the economy that come with free charge entries outweigh the disadvantages of high entry rates when compared to add admission fee.
Nowadays, the approach of whether charging visitors of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
or not as an entrance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
is becoming
increasingly
debatable. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that it is better for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
upon their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entries
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them enter for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
, I would argue that how the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charges
outweigh the disadvantages.

Considering
firstly
the negatives of entrance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
, one of the most significant disadvantages for such approach is that the high admission
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
. The reason behind this is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
families cannot have the ability to afford such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
,
especially
if they have more than 2 or 3 children.
For instance
, the entrée
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
of Petra in Jordan requires 100 dollars for each visitor,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that a family of five will pay 500 dollars to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
, which
is considered
as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high amount.
In contrast
, if the management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entry
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
an increasing number of visitors, and
thus
higher income than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.

Nevertheless
, the main advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entries
are that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
what is inside a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
, and
therefore
being more knowledgeable in others’ cultures. To illustrate, the Egyptian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
announced that there will be no more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
for those who visit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
in Cairo,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to visit the Pharaohs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
without having to pay a penny.
As a result
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
plays a crucial role in enriching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
minds with ancient civilizations that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in Egypt thousands of years ago, and by doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, the economic growth will rise.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the advantages of adding more knowledge to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and flourishing the economy that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
charge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entries
outweigh the disadvantages of high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entry
rates when compared to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
admission
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay People’sshopping habits depend more on theagegroup they belong to than other factors. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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