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People's health will be lower in future then now. To what extend you agree or disagree with this, Give examples from your own knowledge. v.1

People's health will be lower in future then now. v. 1
It is certain that there will be a lot of differences in the lifestyles of the people in the coming time. To be specific, wellness will deteriorate as time passes ahead. As I strongly agree with this statement, this essay will discuss the possible causes such as food habits and pollution. To begin with, the main source of well being of an individual is the food that he eats. Earlier many families used to prefer homemade meals, which are in turn good for health, compared to fast food or ready to cook varieties, high in unsaturated fats and preservatives that make a person obese. But this trend seems to be changing as both parents are working in most families and all members rely on outside sources for eating. This can be exemplified with school children eating unhealthy junk food have higher chances of faltered health in future. I feel this, in turn, shows how bad food habits will cause weak health in the coming era. Another significant factor for the high health risks in future is the environment that surrounds us. People from the old generations used to live longer than today’s population because the environment was free from pollution. But now, however, research suggests that the air and water pollution will reach its peak in the future and it is capable of making humans very sick. To describe, people living in Delhi, a city with the highest air pollution, are prone to Lung cancer and breathing problems. If pollution issues are resolved, I must say people from the future will show high vulnerability to diseases. In conclusion, I completely agree with the fact that people from the future will lack good health as a result of bad food habits and the polluted environment.
It is certain that there will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
differences in the lifestyles of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the coming time. To be specific, wellness will deteriorate as time passes ahead. As I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement, this essay will discuss the possible causes such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
habits and pollution.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the main source of
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
of an individual is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
that he eats. Earlier
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
families
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to prefer homemade meals, which are in turn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, compared to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
or ready to cook varieties, high in unsaturated fats and preservatives that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a person obese.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
this trend seems to be changing as both parents are working in most families and all members rely on outside sources for eating. This can
be exemplified
with school children eating unhealthy junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
have higher chances of faltered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
. I feel this, in turn,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
habits will cause weak
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
in the coming era.

Another significant factor for the high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
is the environment that surrounds us.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
from the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
generations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
longer than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s population
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the environment was free from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
,
however
, research suggests that the air and water
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
will reach its peak in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
and it is capable of making humans
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
sick. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in Delhi, a city with the highest air
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
, are prone to Lung cancer and breathing problems. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pollution
issues
are resolved
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
say
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
high vulnerability to diseases.

In conclusion
, I completely
Consider using "agree that".
agree with the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
will lack
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
as a result
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
habits and the polluted environment.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay People's health will be lower in future then now. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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