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People will be healthier in the future

People will be healthier in the future K3Le6
Some believe that the average standard of health in our society will be lower in the future than in the present. However, there is a more persuasive argument that people are likely to be healthier as time goes by. To begin with, the development of medical science will lead to longer life expectancy as well as a healthier life. People are always making new and effective cures for various diseases and illnesses. For example, smallpox was a very detrimental disease in the past. A lot of people died from smallpox, regardless of the region or country. However, with the help of science and researches people eventually succeeded in getting rid of the disease. Like smallpox, in the future many illnesses and diseases will disappear. So, people will become healthier as time passes. Also, people are becoming more and more aware of the problems of unhealthy food. Now there are lots of people who won't eat junk food because they're bad for health. And the number of vegetarians are increasing as well. Furthermore, now people excercise a lot. You can see these changes from the increasing amounts of facilities related to healthcare and excercise. As more and more people care more about their health, issues related to bad foods or little excercise will decrease over time. In conclusion, although it's a common belief that health issues will worsen around the world in the future, science and technology will prevent and fight against many threatening health problems. On top of that, people are becoming more and more interested in keeping in shape. Therefore, I strongly believe that the average standard of health is likely to become higher as time goes by.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe that the average standard of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
in our society will be lower in the future than in the present.
However
, there is a more persuasive argument that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are likely to be healthier as time goes by.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the development of medical science will lead to longer life expectancy
as well
as a healthier life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are always making new and effective cures for various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
and illnesses.
For example
, smallpox was a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
detrimental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
in the past.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
from smallpox, regardless of the region or country.
However
, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of science and researches
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
eventually
succeeded in getting rid of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
. Like smallpox, in the future
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
illnesses and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
will disappear.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will become healthier
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
time passes.

Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming more and more aware of the problems of unhealthy food.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
there are lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who won't eat junk food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they're
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. And the number of vegetarians are increasing
as well
.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Possible spelling mistake found.
excercise
a lot. You can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
from the increasing amounts of facilities related to healthcare and
Possible spelling mistake found.
excercise
. As more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
care more about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, issues related to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
foods or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
Possible spelling mistake found.
excercise
will decrease over time.

In conclusion
, although it's a common belief that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues will worsen around the world in the future, science and technology will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
and fight against
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
threatening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems.
On top of that
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming more and more interested in keeping in shape.
Therefore
, I
strongly
believe that the average standard of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is likely to become higher as time goes by.
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IELTS essay People will be healthier in the future

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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