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People who were born in rural areas often move to big cities when they become adults. Is it a positive or a negative trend?

People who were born in rural areas often move to big cities when they become adults. Is it a positive or a negative trend? 75RJk
Rural-Urban migration is the movement of people from the country-side to the city. Urban growth- towns and cities are expanding, covering a greater area of land. Urbanization is an increasing proportion of people living in towns and cities. People usually move from rural area to an urban area for economic or employment opportunities, but the specific causes can be categorize as either"push" or "pull" factors. Push factors are what make people move away from a rural area, like a lack of jobs or social opportunities. Pull factors are reasons why people want to come to an urban area, such as better job opportunities or easier access to amenities like education and health care. People are moving away from rural areas because of poor health care and limited educational and economic opportunities as well as environmental changes droughts, flood, lack of availability of sufficiently production, land and other pressure on rural livelihoods. Although people are pulled towards the advantages of cities, the impacts of urbanization are mixed. Positive impacts of urbanization can be thriving towns and cities are an essential elements of a prosperous national economy. The gathering of economic and human resources in one place stimulates innovation and development in business, science, technology and industry. Access to education, health, social services and cultural activities is more readily available to people in cities than in villages. In conclusion, Urbanization is a global trend reflecting the growth population of the world. Uncontrolled migration and rapid urban growth are associated with increasing urban poverty and inequality and rises in slum and squatter populations. Urbanization has negative consequences on health due to mainly to pollution and overcrowded living conditions. It can also put added pressure on food supply system. The pressure of urban living may lead to crime and other consequences of social deprivation.
Rural-Urban migration is the movement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from the country-side to the city.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Urban
growth- towns and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are expanding, covering a greater
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
of land. Urbanization is an increasing proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in towns and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
to an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
for economic or employment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the specific causes can be
Consider using the past participle "categorized"?
categorize
as either
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
push
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
or
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
pull
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
factors. Push factors are what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
away from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
, like a lack of jobs or social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
. Pull factors are reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
, such as better job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
or easier access to amenities like education and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are moving away from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care and limited educational and economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
as well
as environmental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
droughts, flood, lack of availability of
sufficiently
production, land and other pressure on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
livelihoods. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are pulled
towards the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, the impacts of urbanization
are mixed
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Positive
impacts of urbanization can be thriving towns and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are an essential
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "element"?
elements
of a prosperous national economy. The gathering of economic and human resources in one place stimulates innovation and development in business, science, technology and industry. Access to education,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, social services and cultural activities is more
readily
available to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
than in villages.
In conclusion
, Urbanization is a global trend reflecting the growth population of the world. Uncontrolled migration and rapid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
growth
are associated
with increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
poverty and inequality and rises in slum and squatter populations. Urbanization has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
due to
mainly
to pollution and overcrowded living conditions. It can
also
put
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
pressure on food supply system. The pressure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
living may lead to crime and other consequences of social deprivation.

IELTS essay People who were born in rural areas often move to big cities when they become adults. Is it a positive or a negative trend?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
300 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
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    One main idea per paragraph
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Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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