Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

People who travel to another country to live, work or study for a period of time often suffer badly from homesickness. why is it? what are the best way to reduce this problem?

At present, people are frequently moved one country to another country reason for higher education, job, or resident for a period of time often suffer from a mental diseases which is called homesickness. This essay will discuss the reasons behind it, and the way of solution to prevent from it. Nowadays, people are travel country to country for better achievement, but affected by homesickness. For students, they are wanted to go abroad for higher education after complete their graduation. Some people wants to do better jobs in another country and get higher salary, and some people wants to settle themselves in another country. Firstly, people are home dependent, for students they are dependent on their parents and for workers they are dependent on family. Secondly, love and attraction between family members, for this reason, people feel themselves alone when they are far from their family. Moreover, new place, people, and cultures are affected people’s brain, because they do not match themselves with this. In addition, new language is another problem for people. For example, in Germany 80% people are talking in German language. As a result, people cannot understand the language and so they feel boring. Homesickness problem can be solved from people’s mind. First of all, people need a proper counseling, students get that from their teachers and workers from their organizations. Furthermore, for students and workers, universities and job organizations need to increase vacation hours. For example, in Germany universities, students are completed one semester, universities provide students six months vacation. Lastly, need to start language learning course, which is helped people to communicate with others. In conclusion, people are careful about their career, so they are moved another country. So, counseling make people’s mind fresh and people are preventing themselves from homesickness problem
At present,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
frequently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
reason for higher education, job, or resident for a period of time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
suffer from
The plural noun “diseases” cannot be used with the article “a”. Did you mean “a mental disease” or “mental diseases”?
a mental diseases
which
is called
homesickness. This essay will discuss the reasons behind it, and the way of solution to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
from it.

Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are travel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
for better achievement,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by homesickness. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, they
are wanted
to go abroad for higher education after complete their graduation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If ‘people’ is plural here, don’t use the third-person singular verb.
wants
to do better jobs in another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
higher salary, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If ‘people’ is plural here, don’t use the third-person singular verb.
wants
to settle themselves in another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are home dependent, for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
they are dependent on their parents and for workers they are dependent on family.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and attraction between family members,
for this reason
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel themselves alone when they are far from their family.
Moreover
, new place,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, and cultures are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
brain,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not match themselves with this.
In addition
, new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is another problem for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
, in Germany 80%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are talking in German
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot understand the
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
language and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they feel boring.

Homesickness problem can
be solved
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
mind.
Often, this adverbial phrase is redundant. Consider using “first”.
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need a proper counseling,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
that from their teachers and workers from their organizations.
Furthermore
, for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and workers, universities and job organizations need to increase vacation hours.
For example
, in Germany universities,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are completed
one semester, universities provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
six months vacation.
Lastly
, need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
learning course, which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to communicate with others.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are careful about their career,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, counseling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
mind fresh and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are preventing themselves from homesickness problem
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay People who travel to another country to live, work or study for a period of time often suffer badly from homesickness. why is it? what are the best way to reduce this problem?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts