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people who reach their goals for pure luck

people who reach their goals for pure luck RydxG
It is believed that there are people who reach their goals for pure luck. I totally disagree with thee afore-mentioned statement and this essay will address the reasons for my view as follows. On the one hand, it is irrfutable that all the success-stories in this life have attempted at no interval to embark on their own careers and have even failed miserably for many times. It stands to reason that people who reached their great successes have been through thick and thin with conscutive dismal failures. One primary explanations for their achievements is that they have been through thick and thin. Therefore, they drew lessons from their consecutive dismal failures and got a second win so that they could reach their own great successes in their life. A particularly good illustration for this issue is Mr. Horse as known as a respectable teacher in my city. He was a child of average intelligence having a moderate beginning. However, had it not been for his endless efforts, he wouldn’t have got the Ph. D and become such an successful person today. On the other hand, almost people rely on strategies to master their skills and broaden their knowledge while there are those who was born with instinctive flair. Notwithstanding, it is not always the case that people given birth with surpassing talent can win hands down or across the board at the beginning that they also spend time on studying and working in long-terms. A typically particular story is Steve Job, who is the founder of Iphone enterprise and was considered as the most wealthy person throughout the history in 2011. He dropped out of an prestigous univeristy called Havard to embark on his own career in developing an exclusive software which earned him a huge amout of money. Also, Mark Zuckerberg, who is the co-founder of Facebook, dropped out of Havard and together with his partners developed his own social media and rose to reputation soon. To briefly summarize, for better or worse, it is possible to assert that those successful people were in their attempts to achieve their goal without waiting for a stroke of luck
It
is believed
that there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
reach their goals for pure luck. I
totally
disagree with thee
Possible spelling mistake found.
afore-mentioned
statement and this essay will address the reasons for my view as follows.

On the one hand, it is
Possible spelling mistake found.
irrfutable
that all the success-stories in this life have attempted at no interval to embark on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
careers and have even failed
miserably
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times. It stands to reason that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
reached their great successes have been through thick and thin with
Possible spelling mistake found.
conscutive
dismal failures.

One primary explanations for their achievements is that they have been through thick and thin.
Therefore
, they drew lessons from their consecutive dismal failures and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a second win
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they could reach their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
great successes in their life.

A
particularly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration for this issue is Mr. Horse as known as a respectable teacher in my city. He was a child of average intelligence having a moderate beginning.
However
, had it not been for his endless efforts, he wouldn’t have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the
The more common abbreviation of the term 'philosophiae doctor' is "Ph.D.".
Ph. D
and become such
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
successful person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.

On the other hand
, almost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
rely on strategies to master their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and broaden their knowledge while there are those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
was born
with instinctive flair. Notwithstanding, it is not always the case that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
birth with surpassing talent can win hands down or across the board at the beginning that they
also
spend time on studying and working in long-terms.

A
typically
particular story is Steve Job,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is the founder of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Iphone
enterprise and
was considered
as the most wealthy person throughout the history in 2011. He dropped out of
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
Possible spelling mistake found.
prestigous
Possible spelling mistake found.
univeristy
called
Possible spelling mistake found.
Havard
to embark on his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
career in developing an exclusive software which earned him a huge
Possible spelling mistake found.
amout
of money.

Also
, Mark Zuckerberg,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is the co-founder of Facebook, dropped out of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Havard
and together with his partners developed his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
social media and rose to reputation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

To
briefly
summarize, for better or worse, it is possible to assert that those successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were in their attempts to achieve their goal without waiting for a stroke of luck
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IELTS essay people who reach their goals for pure luck

Essay
  American English
8 paragraphs
357 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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