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People who do not use social media networks will always fall behind in career development opportunities. v. 2

People who do not use social media networks will always fall behind in career development opportunities. v. 2 YgNJQ
This day, due to technology is booming social media had become play important role in our daily basic deed. Many people believe that for those who do not use new media platform would fall behind in their business fail. However, I do not agree that it will always decline one's job. Firstly, I would like to say that there are disadvantage and advantage of using common media as a tool of business. Only using social media cannot force one's career progress. The reason why because many people that have successful in their business without using social media as a tool for their business. For example, one of a businessmen who lives in Naung Ywe village is very successful in business fail. He has never been used social networks, but the people in my village never say that he is fall behind in his career. Secondly, it seems to me that sometime social networks can improve one's life style. On the other hand, over believe news on feck news on social media platform it can force human in danger zone. Because misleading news could harm people lives. Therefore, I would have to say that without using internet could not go back to Stone Age. I do believe that it depend on how one's use social network.
This day, due to technology is booming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
had become play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in our daily basic deed.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that for those who do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
platform would fall behind in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
fail.
However
, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it will always decline one's job.

Firstly
, I would like to say that there are disadvantage and advantage of using common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
as a tool of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
cannot force one's career progress. The reason why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that have successful in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
without using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
as a tool for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
.
For example
, one of
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a businessman" or simply "businessmen"?
a businessmen
who
Did you mean "live"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'businessmen' should be used.
lives
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Naung
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ywe
village is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
successful in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
fail. He has never been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networks,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in my village never say that he is fall behind in his career.

Secondly
, it seems to me that sometime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networks can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
one's life style.
On the other hand
, over believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
on
Possible spelling mistake found.
feck
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
platform it can force human in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
zone.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
misleading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
could harm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
lives
.

Therefore
, I would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
say that without using internet could not go back to Stone Age. I do believe that it depend on how one's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
network.
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IELTS essay People who do not use social media networks will always fall behind in career development opportunities. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
215 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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