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People thing betterment of society other think resist int. Discuss both view and give your opinion

People thing betterment of society other think resist int. Discuss both view and give your opinion NMb1b
It is generally argued that individuals should accept unpleasant occupations as well as financial scarcity in ill consequences. however, other advocate and insist that resisting it that is a wonderful solution to make it better. Therefore, ahead of my opinion, both viewpoints will be discussed in the ensuing paragraph. On the one hand, according to the advocates of the first viewpoints, bad time should be accepted if even it provides mind satisfaction or not. in other words, several individuals feel that if they resist or are against their job, they would lose their employment. Consequently, they will be face difficulty and failure to search for another workplace to improve their financial condition. for example, in eastern countries, old age netizens do not argue if even they cannot find a job for face hurdles regarding their life support. therefore, a plethora of people think and they are in favour of keeping their work continue without opposing or find another way to defend it. however, this is negative. On the other hand, the opponents of this view say that it is paramount that to try to make a better situation. To epitome, there is more mankind who are unwilling to work under the extreme condition as they are likely to make a good situation. Moreover, some time this leads to the ill condition because of continuously work and mental stress. for instance, a survey conducted by mass media had show that in the USA 95 % of people leave their job due to dissatisfaction and they believe in a betterment of the circumstances. In conclusion, Although innumerable mankind reckons that it is fascinating to accept a negative situation or job. other thing and said that to try every aspect to make it better, in my opinion, the people should leave negative situation instead of to continue eating it will lead a death sentence mental consequences.
It is
generally
argued that individuals should accept unpleasant occupations
as well
as financial scarcity in ill consequences.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
advocate and insist that resisting it
that is
a wonderful solution to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
it better.
Therefore
, ahead of my opinion, both viewpoints will
be discussed
in the ensuing paragraph.

On the one hand, according to the advocates of the
first
viewpoints,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
time should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
if even it provides mind satisfaction or not.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, several individuals feel that if they resist or are against their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, they would lose their employment.
Consequently
, they will be face difficulty and failure to search for another workplace to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their financial condition.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
example, in eastern countries,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age netizens do not argue if even they cannot find a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
for face hurdles regarding their life support.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
therefore
, a plethora of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
think and
they are in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of keeping their work continue without opposing or find another way to defend it.
however
, this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, the opponents of this view say that it is paramount that to try to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
. To epitome, there is more mankind who are unwilling to work under the extreme condition as they are likely to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time this leads to the ill condition
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
continuously
work and mental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
instance, a survey conducted by mass media had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that in the USA 95 % of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
due to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
dissatisfaction and
they believe in a betterment of the circumstances.

In conclusion
, Although innumerable mankind reckons that it is fascinating to accept a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
other
thing and said that to try every aspect to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
it better, in my opinion, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
instead
of to continue eating it will lead a death sentence mental consequences.
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IELTS essay People thing betterment of society other think resist int. Discuss both view and give your opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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