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People who cause their own illnesses through unhealthy lifestyles and poor diets should have to pay more for health care. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

People who cause their own illnesses through unhealthy lifestyles and poor diets should have to pay more for health care. with this opinion? rWap
It is often argued that patients who have sicknesses caused by their unhealthy behaviors and bad eating habits should be required to pay more to healthcare services. Personally speaking, I totally do not agree with this statement, and this essay will look into some reasons why I disagree. To start with, I believe that illness is not an option, or in other words, most of people who have illnesses do not want to be sick. To illustrate, it is said that most of people who have illnesses tend to be hard workers who work through days and nights, and as a result of that, they have health issues, such as backache and office syndrome which later on become chronical illnesses. Thus, the only thing that these people can rely on is the healthcare system which is need to treat people equally, not ripping people off. Furthermore, it is undeniable that people who want to live healthily and consume good diets needs to pay more than living usual lifestyles, or that is the richer you are, the healthier you will be. As an illustration, there was a research conducted by Thai scientists investigating about the differences between being rich and being poor. Additionally, the result of the research was interesting, showing that rich people are likely to have healthier lifestyles than the poor because the consumer goods that the rich consume are better and significantly more expensive. Moreover, rich people do not have to work hard thanks to the money they pay to work for them so that they do not get sick. In conclusion, despite the fact that people argue that people with illnesses due to a lack of disciplines, namely living healthily and consuming good diets, should pay more than others, I personally disagree with that and believe that illnesses are unavoidable, and no one wants to have any kinds of sickness. Also, having a healthy lifestyle is costly, and people need to pay for it if they wish to have it.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that patients
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have sicknesses caused by their unhealthy behaviors and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
eating habits should
be required
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
more to healthcare services.
Personally
speaking, I
totally
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement, and this essay will look into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons why I disagree.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illness
is not an option, or
in other words
, most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illnesses
do not want to be sick. To illustrate, it
is said
that most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illnesses
tend to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
workers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
work through days and nights, and
as a result
of that, they have health issues, such as backache and office syndrome which later on become
Possible spelling mistake found.
chronical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illnesses
.
Thus
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
thing that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can rely on is the healthcare system which
is need
to treat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
equally
, not ripping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
off.

Furthermore
, it is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
healthily
and consume
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
diets needs to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
more than living usual lifestyles, or
that is
the richer you are, the healthier you will be. As an illustration, there was
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
conducted by Thai scientists investigating about the differences between being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
and being poor.
Additionally
, the result of the research was interesting, showing that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are likely to have healthier lifestyles than the poor
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the consumer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
consume are better and
significantly
more expensive.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
thanks to the money they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
to work for them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
sick.

In conclusion
, despite the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illnesses
due to a lack of disciplines,
namely
living
healthily
and consuming
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
diets, should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
more than others, I
personally
disagree with that and believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
illnesses
are unavoidable, and no one wants to have any kinds of sickness.
Also
, having a healthy lifestyle is costly, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
for it if they wish to have it.
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IELTS essay People who cause their own illnesses through unhealthy lifestyles and poor diets should have to pay more for health care. with this opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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