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In many countries today insufficient respect is shown to older people. What do you think may be the reasons for this? What problems might this cause in society?

In many countries today insufficient respect is shown to older people. What do you think may be the reasons for this? What problems might this cause in society? b72W
Respect is greatly recognized in many countries for it is part of salient culture. However, it has been observed that the respect being bestowed to elderly people is gradually declining. Surely, this trend happened due to the indifferences arising in between the seniors and the youth, and the way it affects the society cannot be neglected. Firstly, the decline on respect to old people is due to how parents nurture their kids inside the home. Parents are considered the most influencial person infront of the kids but there are vast number of them dedicating more time on work thereby neglecting their duty to teach the kids morality. For instance, single parents have to work hardly and have no choice but to leave their child in the care of a nanny. On top of this, young generations are more occupied with materialistic possesions and are pampered by parents to which they are given so much freedom, unlike in the ancient times that all work were done using their bare hands and children had to lend a hand. Since parents are unable to teach the kids on the value of respecting others, they will find it unnecessary to show proper respect to elder people. As a result, they will fail to teach succeeding generations about mutual respect and family values which will certainly invade and stain the harmonious life in the society. In addition, the demographic changes on the advancement of science and tehnology is greying the society as a whole. The greater exposure and dependence of the youth to technologies severs the relationship between families and deviates the study of history and culture. To recapitulate, we are living in a society where senior citizens are big contributors, thus must be shown admirable respect and gratitude. Parents should, no matter what, continue to educate kids to respect old people and should also regulate the usage of technology inside the home to alleviate factors that puts distance between families. These will help to achieve a hamonious society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Respect
is
greatly
recognized in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries for it is part of salient culture.
However
, it has
been observed
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
respect
being bestowed
to elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
gradually
declining.
Surely
, this trend happened due to the
Possible spelling mistake found.
indifferences
arising in between the seniors and the youth, and the way it affects the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
cannot
be neglected
.

Firstly
, the decline on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
respect
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
due to how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
nurture their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
inside the home.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
are considered
the most
Possible spelling mistake found.
influencial
person
Possible spelling mistake found.
infront
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are vast number of them dedicating more time on work thereby neglecting their duty to teach the
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "kids'" or "kid's"?
kids
morality.
For instance
, single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
The adverb 'hardly' is usually put before the verb 'work'.
work hardly
and have no choice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their child in the care of a nanny. On top of this, young generations are more occupied with materialistic
Possible spelling mistake found.
possesions
and
are pampered
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to which they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much freedom, unlike in the ancient times that all work
were done
using their bare hands and children had to lend a hand.

Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are unable to teach the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
on the value of respecting others, they will find it unnecessary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
respect
to elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
As a result
, they will fail to teach succeeding generations about mutual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
respect
and family values which will
certainly
invade and stain the harmonious life in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
In addition
, the demographic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
on the advancement of science and
Possible spelling mistake found.
tehnology
is
Possible spelling mistake found.
greying
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
as a whole. The greater exposure and dependence of the youth to technologies severs the relationship between families and deviates the study of history and culture.

To recapitulate, we are living in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
where senior citizens are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
contributors,
thus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be shown
admirable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
respect
and gratitude.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
should, no matter what, continue to educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
respect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and should
also
regulate the usage of technology inside the home to alleviate factors that puts distance between families. These will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to achieve a
Possible spelling mistake found.
hamonious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
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IELTS essay In many countries today insufficient respect is shown to older people. What do you think may be the reasons for this? What problems might this cause in society?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
334 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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Lexical Resource: 5.0
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  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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