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People who cause their own illnesses through unhealthy lifestyles and poor diets should have to pay more for health care. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

People who cause their own illnesses through unhealthy lifestyles and poor diets should have to pay more for health care. with this opinion? PBkJ
It would be difficult to imagine life without computers. Over recent years in particular, their use and potential have grown at an incredible rate and I strongly believe that this growth will continue as more innovative ways to use them are developed. Although there are definitely some downsides to their use, I do believe the positives outweigh the negatives. Computers enable us to do a wealth of tasks that would have been unthinkable for previous generations. We can bank online, book holidays, do our weekly shopping - the list of labour-saving activities is almost endless. Given the speed at which they have evolved and altered the way we do things, I am convinced that this evolutionary trend will continue. Take, for example, the rise of virtual reality. We can already do amazing things with it, and, as a computer-based technology, it is only in its infancy. It has so many practical applications, from improving gaming to providing training for doctors or pilots to handle real-life situations. As computer processing power increases, so will its potential to enhance everything we do. Despite this, there are dangers in relying quite so heavily on computers. So much of our daily lives is controlled by them, that without them, modern-day life as we know it would be impossible. Furthermore, computers store all our important data and the risk of hacking exposes us to crimes such as fraud. However, I would argue that the technological advances made possible by computers have improved our world in so many ways. I believe that most people would argue that that any negative aspects of computers are outweighed by all the benefits they have brought. In conclusion, I believe we will probably become more dependent on computers but that our lives will improve as the technology improves. While there is a negative side to such a dependency, there are many more positives that we can focus on.
It would be difficult to imagine life without computers. Over recent years
in particular
, their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
and potential have grown at an incredible rate and I
strongly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that this growth will continue as more innovative ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them
are developed
. Although there are definitely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
downsides to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
, I do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
the positives outweigh the negatives.

Computers enable us to do a wealth of tasks that would have been unthinkable for previous generations. We can bank online, book holidays, do our weekly shopping
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
the list of
Possible spelling mistake found.
labour-saving
activities is almost endless.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
the speed at which they have evolved and altered the way we do things, I
am convinced
that this evolutionary trend will continue. Take,
for example
, the rise of virtual reality. We can already do amazing things with it, and, as a computer-based technology, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in its infancy. It has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
practical applications, from improving gaming to providing training for doctors or pilots to handle real-life situations. As computer processing power increases,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
will its potential to enhance everything we do.

Despite this, there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
in relying quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
heavily
on computers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
much of our daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
is controlled
by them, that without them, modern-day life as we know it would be impossible.
Furthermore
, computers store all our
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
data and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of hacking exposes us to crimes such as fraud.
However
, I would argue that the technological advances made possible by computers have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
our world in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would argue
Possible typo: you repeated a word
that that
any
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects of computers
are outweighed
by all the benefits they have brought.

In conclusion
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
we will
probably
become more dependent on computers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
that our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
as the technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
. While there is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side to such a dependency, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more positives that we can focus on.
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IELTS essay People who cause their own illnesses through unhealthy lifestyles and poor diets should have to pay more for health care. with this opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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