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People who cause their own illnesses through unhealthy lifestyles and poor diets should have to pay more for health care. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

People who cause their own illnesses through unhealthy lifestyles and poor diets should have to pay more for health care. with this opinion? NrrR2
"Apple a day keeps doctor away". A good diet and healthy lifestyle will minimise health issues. In my opinion, one who does not take good care of what they eat and how they live will have more health issues. A person doing regular work-out will be healthy and fit which automatically imbibes discipline. Daily exercise will keep the body and mind in correct mood and reduces stress. Furthermore, a person with good sleep will not put-up weight and will avoid obesity problems. For instance, regular work out will keep sugar levels at nominal range which is most common problem in mid age white collar job holders. A by-product of regular exercise is increase in productivity at work. So, regular exercise will pose minimal health problems. Gastric problems, increased cholesterol, etc are primarily caused due to bad eating habits. Eating at odd time during the day will have severe impact on the stomach. Consumption of junk food will increase cholesterol levels and might affect the heart. Over eating and under eating will have impact on the growth and function of the body. For example, young children are attracted to KFC, McDonalds, etc are consuming more junk food. These children are becoming obese and facing health issues at a very early age. People following balanced diet will be more immune and will stay healthy. In conclusion, every individual has their own discretion to keep their health and I would suggest that a good meal and regular exercises will keep them healthy.
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Apple a day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keeps
doctor away
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
diet and healthy lifestyle will
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimise' is British English.
minimise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues. In my opinion, one who does not take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
care of what they eat and how they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
will have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues.

A person doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regular
work-out will be healthy and fit which
automatically
imbibes discipline. Daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
the body and mind in correct mood and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
Furthermore
, a person with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
sleep will not put-up weight and will avoid obesity problems.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regular
work out will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
sugar levels at nominal range which is
Did you mean "the most"?
most
common problem in mid age white collar job holders. A by-product of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
is increase in productivity at work.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
will pose minimal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems.

Gastric problems, increased cholesterol, etc are
primarily
caused due to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
habits.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Eating
at odd time during the day will have severe impact on the stomach. Consumption of junk food will increase cholesterol levels and might affect the heart. Over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
and under
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
will have impact on the growth and function of the body.
For example
, young children
are attracted
to KFC,
Did you mean the fast food chain "McDonald's" (always spelled with a possessive apostrophe)?
McDonalds
, etc are consuming more junk food. These children are becoming obese and facing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
early age.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
following balanced diet will be more immune and will stay healthy.

In conclusion
, every individual has their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
discretion to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and I would suggest that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
meal and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
keep
them healthy.
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IELTS essay People who cause their own illnesses through unhealthy lifestyles and poor diets should have to pay more for health care. with this opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
249 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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