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Energy used by average Australian households & there greenhouse gas emmsion

Energy used by average Australian households & there greenhouse gas emmsion bYYRY
Australian households use varies kind of energies for livelihood, such as heating, cooling refrigeration etc. The following data gives information on the energy consumed by the average Australian household & the respective greenhouse gas emission for each type of energy used. The popular type of energy consumption is in the heating sector. Where it contributes to 42% of the total energy used. This energy stands at third position for greenhouse gas emitted with 15%. In comparison to this, water heater is the next type of energy ranked second in consumption with 30% of the total usage. But unlike heating, water heating relatively emits more greenhouse gas than used with 32%. Refrigeration & lighting records fairly low consumption with mere 7% & 4% respectively. The major concern for these 2 type of energies is that greenhouse gas emission rate for both is double its consumed data i. e. refrigeration emits 14% & lighting emits 8% of the total greenhouse gas emitted. Cooling accounts for the lowest consumption as well for the lowest greenhouse gas emission in total. This is being consumed by only 2% of the Australians & it emits 3% of the total. The other appliances summed together consumes 15% of the energies. While the greenhouse gas emission is nearly double of that consumed at 28% of the total. In all of these the most preferred & environment friendly option of the energies is heating. The most alarming options out of these is refrigeration & lighting. Even though consumed in a very relatively low numbers, yet it emits double of the consumed figures. In case of any future increase an consumption this data might be helpful in either creating more innovative appliances to emits lesser gas or might create an awareness for the public to use in restrictions keeping an check on the emission rates. The data represented gives an elaborate details of the energies used & its respective green house gas emissions. This will help the Australians to use the type of energy while opting for & also consume wisely keeping an eye on the environment. This is also an opportunity for the companies to engineer appliances with lesser greenhouse gas emissions.
Australian households
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
varies kind of
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energies
for livelihood, such as
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heating
, cooling refrigeration etc. The following
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data
gives information on the
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energy
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consumed
by the average Australian household & the respective
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greenhouse
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gas
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emission
for each
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type
of
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energy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
.

The popular
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type
of
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energy
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consumption
is in the
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heating
sector.
“Where” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Where
it contributes to 42% of the
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total
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energy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
. This
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energy
stands at third position for
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greenhouse
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gas
emitted with 15%.
In comparison
to this, water heater is the
next
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type
of
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energy
ranked second in
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consumption
with 30% of the
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total
usage.
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But
unlike
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heating
, water
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heating
relatively
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emits
more
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greenhouse
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gas
than
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used
with 32%. Refrigeration & lighting records
fairly
low
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consumption
with mere 7% & 4%
respectively
. The major concern for these 2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
type
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energies
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
greenhouse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emission
rate for both is double its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
There should be no space here: "i.e.".
i. e.
refrigeration
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emits
14% & lighting
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emits
8% of the
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total
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greenhouse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
emitted. Cooling accounts for the lowest
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consumption
as well
for the lowest
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greenhouse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
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emission
in
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total
. This is being
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consumed
by
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only
2% of the Australians & it
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emits
3% of the
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total
. The other appliances summed together consumes 15% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energies
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
the
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greenhouse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
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emission
is
nearly
double of that
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consumed
at 28% of the total.

In all of these the most preferred & environment friendly option of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energies
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
heating
. The most alarming options out of these is refrigeration & lighting.
Even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumed
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
relatively
low numbers,
yet
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emits
double of the
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consumed
figures. In case of any future increase
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
might be helpful in either creating more innovative appliances to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emits
lesser
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
or might create an awareness for the public to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in restrictions keeping
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
on the
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emission
rates.

The
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data
represented gives an elaborate
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "detail"?
details
of the
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energies
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used
& its respective green
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emissions
. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the Australians to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
type
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
while opting for &
also
consume
wisely
keeping an eye on the environment. This is
also
an opportunity for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to engineer appliances with lesser
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
greenhouse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emissions
.
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IELTS essay Energy used by average Australian households & there greenhouse gas emmsion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
363 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
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Task Achievement: 5.0
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    Present relevant ideas
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