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People today are more caring for money than developing friendships and family relationships. Do you agree or disagree

People today are more caring for money than developing friendships and family relationships. PLBKg
It is argued that people care more about money than make better relationships with loved ones. I totally agree with this argument and will explain why. First of all, people realised that, if they loose their job, they will loose their incomes. One clear example for this is Corona pandemic. While pandemic, most people understood that they should have saved money for sudden situations. That's why they are trying to make more money nowadays. In addition, cost of the living is increasing also. It means that, taxes prompted speculation that people care more for money. Although, the pandemic has shown that money could not help in dire moments in people's life, they tend to be materialistic. Overall, high outlays and not savings in the past changed people's look to money as a vital thing of their life. Secondly, developing of technologies have a negative effect on relationships. They prefer to have a conversation via gadgets instead of face to face meeting. For instance, in holidays they just congratulate each other by messages even they have a leisure time for going to their relatives or friends. Moreover, there is less communication between family members. Siblings do not want to share their news or problems with them and they do not listen to them. There is a thought in their mind like it is enough to chat with them by messangers but it does not give a sense of intimacy. To sum up, i strongly agree with the notion that people think more money than caring relationship. In the future, i believe that it may become worse than now even.
It
is argued
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
care more about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
better relationships with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this argument and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Possible spelling mistake. 'realised' is British English.
realised
that, if they
Did you mean "lose" (= miss, waste, suffer the loss etc.)?
loose
their job, they will
Did you mean "lose" (= miss, waste, suffer the loss etc.)?
loose
their incomes. One
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
example for this is Corona pandemic. While pandemic, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
understood that they should have saved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for sudden situations. That's why they are trying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
nowadays.
In addition
, cost of the living is increasing
also
. It means that, taxes prompted speculation that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
care more for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. Although, the pandemic has shown that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in dire moments in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life, they tend to be materialistic.
Overall
, high outlays and not savings in the past
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's look to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as a vital thing of their life.

Secondly
, developing of technologies have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on relationships. They prefer to have a conversation via gadgets
instead
of face to face meeting.
For instance
, in holidays they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
congratulate each other by messages even they have a leisure time for going to their relatives or friends.
Moreover
, there is less communication between family members. Siblings do not want to share their news or problems with
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
them and
they do not listen to them. There is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
in their mind like it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to chat with them by
Possible spelling mistake found.
messangers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it does not give a sense of intimacy.

To sum up,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the notion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
than caring relationship. In the future,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
believe that it may become worse than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
even.
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IELTS essay People today are more caring for money than developing friendships and family relationships.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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