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PEOPLE THESE DAYS WATCH TV, FILMS AND OTHER PROGRAMMES ALONE RATHER THAN WITH OTHER PEOPLE. DO THE ADVANTAGES OF THIS DEVELOPMENT OUTWEIGH THE DISADVANTAGES?

PEOPLE THESE DAYS WATCH TV, FILMS AND OTHER PROGRAMMES ALONE RATHER THAN WITH OTHER PEOPLE. DO THE ADVANTAGES OF THIS DEVELOPMENT OUTWEIGH THE DISADVANTAGES? Ba2gm
Given the increasingly popular of streaming platforms like Netflix or Hulu as well as modern technologies like smartphones, more and more people have switched from watching programs with their companions to watching alone. While the shift toward solely enjoying contents may cause some problem, the overall impact has been tremendously positive. Admittedly, the drawbacks of watching TV alone are evident. Chief of these is that, without friends or spouses, watchers might feel lonely and isolated while enjoying TV shows. Therefore, they can be susceptible to depression and stress due to the lack of interaction with their companions. This can be seen in Japan, whose rate of people suffering frequent depression and anxiety is surging, a majority of people spend most of their day alone watching programs or surfing the Internet. Furthermore, people can spend too much time on TV since they have no one to remind them, hence lack of exercising and health deteriorating. Despite the negatives mentioned above, the benefits of watching programs on one’s own are more significant. The obvious benefit is that it offers a person freedom as well as flexibility in time and choices since he or she does not have to consider others’ taste. Housewives, for instance, can enjoy their favorite shows on their own instead of watching their spouses’ favorite ones such as sports. In addition, since there is no one around, one can freely express his or her feelings toward the movies, which they may be reserved to do in front of others. This could be helpful for those who are shy because they do not need to suppress their truest thoughts or feelings. Thus, having private time enjoying contents may improve for one’s mental health. In conclusion, I believe that the advantages of watching TV alone outstrip the disadvantages. This is provided that one needs to spend sufficient time socializing with their loved ones as well as doing regular exercise.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
the
increasingly
popular of streaming platforms like Netflix or Hulu
as well
as modern technologies like smartphones, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have switched from watching programs with their companions to watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
. While the shift toward
solely
enjoying contents may cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problem, the
overall
impact has been
tremendously
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
.

Admittedly
, the drawbacks of watching TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
are evident. Chief of these is that, without friends or spouses, watchers might feel lonely and isolated while enjoying TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
.
Therefore
, they can be susceptible to depression and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
due to the lack of interaction with their companions. This can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in Japan, whose rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffering frequent depression and anxiety is surging, a majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend most of their day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
watching programs or surfing the Internet.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can spend too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on TV since they have no one to remind them,
hence
lack of exercising and health deteriorating.

Despite the negatives mentioned above, the benefits of watching programs on one’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
are more significant. The obvious benefit is that it offers a person freedom
as well
as flexibility in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and choices since he or she does not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
consider others’ taste. Housewives,
for instance
, can enjoy their favorite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
instead
of watching their spouses’ favorite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
such as sports.
In addition
, since there is no one around, one can
freely
express
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
feelings toward the movies, which they may
be reserved
to do in front of others. This could be helpful for those who are shy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not need to suppress their truest thoughts or feelings.
Thus
, having private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
enjoying contents may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
for one’s mental health.

In conclusion
, I believe that the advantages of watching TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
outstrip the disadvantages. This
is provided
that one needs to spend sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
socializing with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
as well
as doing regular exercise.
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IELTS essay PEOPLE THESE DAYS WATCH TV, FILMS AND OTHER PROGRAMMES ALONE RATHER THAN WITH OTHER PEOPLE. DO THE ADVANTAGES OF THIS DEVELOPMENT OUTWEIGH THE DISADVANTAGES?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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