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People spending time watching sport programs on TV or following their favorite team has negative effect on their lives

People spending time watching sport programs on TV or following their favorite team has negative effect on their lives 0AmJQ
In my opinion, I agree that people spending time watching sport programs on TV, or following their favorite team, has negative effect on their lives for following reasons. First, these people will waste a lot of time. Although, they know the way to help them to relax from working, they will be addicted easily. They will watch these sport programs after finish working, at night, or on the weekend. Some sports, such as football or tennis, each match consumes a lot of time, so people who always follow their favorite team will lose a lot of time, and they will be less eager to do other things. On the other hand, people who are not addicted to the sport can spend time to do other important things that benefit to their lives. Second, these people will waste their money. For example, my male coworker who loves to watch Euro football match, spent a lot of money for the gambling. However, the chance to win the gambling is rare. Eventually, he had a huge debt because of gambling on his favorite sport: Euro football. In addition, following the favorite team on live competitions has the expenses, such as paying for the ticket of the games, the cost of commuting, food, hotel and etc. These will take the money out of their saving or over their budget. Finally, there are little significant benefits to people health by follow their favorite sport team. It might help them to enjoy or relax, but by sitting in front of TV, or sitting on the station for the real competition does not support people to be healthier. In contrast, people who don’t have a favorite sport team but they play sport in their daily life, tend to have a better health, both physical and mental. In conclusion, I think people spending time on TV watching sport program or following their favorite team has disadvantages than advantages, and has negative effects on their lives.
In my opinion, I
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agree
that
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people
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
programs on TV, or
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following
their
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favorite
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team
, has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on their
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lives
for
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following
reasons.

First
, these
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people
will waste a
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lot
of
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time
. Although, they know the way to
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help
them to relax from working, they will
be addicted
easily
. They will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
programs after finish working, at night, or on the weekend.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, such as football or tennis, each match consumes a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
always follow their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
favorite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
will lose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, and they will be less eager to do other things.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are not addicted to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
can spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to do other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things that benefit to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

Second, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will waste their money.
For example
, my male coworker
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who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
Euro football match, spent a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of money for the gambling.
However
, the chance to win the gambling is rare.
Eventually
, he had a huge debt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of gambling on his
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favorite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
: Euro football.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
following
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
favorite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
competitions has the expenses, such as paying for the ticket of the games, the cost of commuting, food, hotel
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
. These will take the money out of their saving or over their budget.

Finally
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
significant benefits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
health by follow their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
favorite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
. It might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to enjoy or relax,
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but
by sitting in front of TV, or sitting on the station for the real competition does not support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be healthier.
In contrast
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
don’t have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
favorite
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sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
in their daily life, tend to have a better health, both physical and mental.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on TV watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
program or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
following
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
favorite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
has disadvantages than advantages, and has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
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IELTS essay People spending time watching sport programs on TV or following their favorite team has negative effect on their lives

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
327 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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