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people spend too much time on personal enjoyment rather than doing things they should do

people spend too much time on personal enjoyment rather than doing things they should do eKPmW
The passage provides some reasons to explain the usages of gigantic building Chaco canyon in New Mexico which professors points out another compelling reasons against the passage in order to refute the passage’s theories. Firstly, the inside of the building was not suitable for being a residential place for hundreds of people due to the lack of fire places for a number of people. Only few number of fire place were found there which made it impossible for people to live there which this explanation of the professor conflict the passage theory that people could have lived there. Secondly, excavations have not found any sign of maize to be stored there according to the professor. Conversely, the passage says that that structure was a storage for their food supplies. The last reason which professor claims to refute the passage’s theory was that that building could have been used as a landfill to their garbage be kept and those pots that were found there might have been only litter that people who were constructors might have left there. This reason also refuses the theory of the passage which advances the building was used as a ceremonial land for its residents. In the modern world, people are obliged to work as much as they can only for the survival due to the fact that as time goes by the necessity of being able to provide a condition for living is getting more arduous. Meanwhile a number of people consider this crucial to solely spend time for themselves to live happily and they do not take this mandatory and serious to do duties that they require to do for having a better life. The question is whether humans dedicate a lot of amount of time for doing something that they enjoy or not instead of doing something that is pivotal. I profoundly conflict with this consensus that says people are enjoying of what they really want instead of doing what they really are supposed to do owing of some reasons. Two of which will be explained in the ensuing essay. To begin with, nowadays, if people spend a lot of time on what they ready would rather do, which might not be financially beneficial, they will not be able to earn a living. Having a decent salary to be able to support yourself and your family member is a tall task thesedays due to the fact that we are facing inflation in entire world. We encounter a degree of obstacles which oblige humans to have at least two jobs simultaneously. Working too hard eliminate this possibility for people to enjoy their lives because they have to work from the morning to night and they only might find couple of hours on weekends to chill out and use their spare time in a way they really intend. It reminds me of the time that I had to have a part-time job after I attended my university’s courses which forced me to never have a leisure time for years. Another reason worth mentioning is that most of the people have no access to what makes them euphoric and satisfied with. Although many of the people tend to enjoy of their lives, lack of the time and money have a significant and remarkable influence of avoid them from enjoying of their lives or doing whatever they want. As we see in deprived places of the world such as Africa that people even have no access to water or basic needs. As a result, these people only might look for finding a way for their survival and never consider the possibility of doing something that brings happiness for them. All in all, lack of amount of time for humans to do what they really wish and lack of access to basic needs might omit or reduce the possibility of enjoying of their lives.
The
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passage
provides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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reasons
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the usages of gigantic
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building
Possible spelling mistake found.
Chaco
canyon in New Mexico which
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professors
Possible agreement error. You should probably use: "point".
points
out another compelling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
against the
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passage
in order to refute the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passage’s
theories.

Firstly
, the inside of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
was not suitable for being a residential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
for hundreds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lack
of fire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
for a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
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Only
Possible agreement error. The noun number seems to be countable; consider using: "few numbers".
few number
of fire
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place
were found
there which made it impossible for
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people
to
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live
there which this explanation of the
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professor
conflict the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passage
theory that
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people
could have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
there.

Secondly
, excavations have not found any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
of maize to
be stored
there according to the
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professor
.
Conversely
, the
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passage
says that that structure was a storage for their food supplies.

The last
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reason
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professor
claims to refute the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passage’s
theory was that that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
could have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as a landfill to their garbage be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
and those pots that
were found
there
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might
have been
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only
litter that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who were constructors
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might
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
there. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
also
refuses the theory of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passage
which advances the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as a ceremonial land for its residents.

In the modern world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are obliged
to work as much as they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
for the survival due to the fact that as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
goes by the necessity of being able to provide a condition for living is getting more arduous.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Meanwhile
a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider this crucial to
solely
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for themselves to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
happily and
they do not take this mandatory and serious to do duties that they require
Did you mean "doing"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'require' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to do
for having a better life. The question is whether humans dedicate
Possible agreement error. The noun amount seems to be countable; consider using: "a lot of amounts".
a lot of amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
something that they enjoy or not
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
something
that is
pivotal. I
profoundly
conflict with this consensus that says
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are enjoying of what they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
really
want
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
what they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
really
are supposed
to
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "go owing".
do owing
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
. Two of which will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
in the ensuing essay.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, nowadays, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on what they ready would
rather
do, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
not be
financially
beneficial, they will not be able to earn a living. Having a decent salary to be able to support yourself and your family member is a tall task
Possible spelling mistake found.
thesedays
due to the fact that we are facing inflation in entire world. We encounter a degree of obstacles which oblige humans to have at least two jobs
simultaneously
. Working too
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
eliminate this possibility for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to enjoy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work from the morning to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
night and
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
find
It seems that an article is missing.
couple of
hours on weekends to chill out and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in a way they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
really
intend. It reminds me of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
that I had to have a part-time job after I attended my university’s courses which forced me to never have a leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for years.

Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
worth mentioning is that most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have no access to what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them euphoric and satisfied with. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to enjoy of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lack
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and money have a significant and remarkable influence of avoid them from enjoying of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
whatever they want. As we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
in deprived
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
of the world such as Africa that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
even have no access to water or basic needs.
As a result
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
look for finding a way for their survival and never consider the possibility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
something that brings happiness for them.

All in all,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lack
of amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for humans to do what they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
really
wish and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lack
of access to basic needs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
omit or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the possibility of enjoying of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
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IELTS essay people spend too much time on personal enjoyment rather than doing things they should do

Essay
  American English
8 paragraphs
646 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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