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People spend too much time and money on fashion

People spend too much time and money on fashion paKny
many humans want to feel and look beautiful in new and fashionable clothes. I agree that people spend too much time and money on fashion. But, not all fashionable clothes costs very expensive, for example many designer bags or clothes have a cheap alternative in mass markets. Therefore, people who interest on fashion spend much time to find alternatives in mass markets to spend less money. Additionally, comfortable and fashionable clothes are making people to feel their selves more confident and beautiful. To conclude, it does not matter what clothes you wear and how much it cost. The important factor is to feel comfortable and confident in clothes that you wear.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
many
humans want to feel and look
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
in new and fashionable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
spend too much time and money on fashion.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, not all fashionable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
costs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
expensive,
for example
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
designer bags or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
alternative in mass markets.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who interest on fashion spend much time to find alternatives in mass markets to spend less money.
Additionally
, comfortable and fashionable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
are making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to feel their selves more confident and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
.
To conclude
, it does not matter what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
you wear and how much it cost. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor is to feel comfortable and confident in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
that you wear.
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IELTS essay People spend too much time and money on fashion

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
111 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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