Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

People should follow the customs and traditions when people start to live in a new country. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.6

People should follow the customs and traditions when people start to live in a new country. v. 6
In recent decades, the question of whether or not people should adapt to the customs and traditions when they move to another country has become a topic of discussion. While some argue that these adaptations are not necessary, I completely disagree with this view. There are a number of problems if foreigners do not follow the traditions and customs in which they are living. First, there would be many issues for international corporations running their business. For instance, if these companies do not aware the business practices and the laws of the country, chances are they will not be able to sell their products as the market are different to their nation. Second, immigrants might be imprisoned, or even sentenced to death if they do not fully understand the culture and customs of the local. In North Korea, for example, the authority could put foreigners who insult president Kim Jong UN in jail, which would not happen if they have the knowledge about this nation. There are also a numerous benefits for immigrants to follow the habits and traditions of the locals. Firstly, By studying the traditions of the area, they would be gained more respect from local people. For example, foreigners wearing traditional clothes, such as Ao Dai or Kimono, would be more welcomed when they participate in local's festivals than do not ones. In addition, in order to communicate with local citizens, understanding their language and culture is of importance. It is clear that no one, regardless of social status, can survive in a foreign country without communication. In conclusion, following and understanding local's culture and customs are imperative to living overseas. Governments should take steps to help foreigners learn about their traditions and customs.
In recent decades,
Wordiness: Consider shortening this phrase.
the question of whether
or not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should adapt to the customs and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to another country has become a topic of discussion. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that these adaptations are not necessary, I completely disagree with this view.

There are a number of problems if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreigners
do not follow the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
and customs in which they are living.
First
, there would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
issues for international corporations running their business.
For instance
, if these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
do not aware the business practices and the laws of the country, chances are they will not be able to sell their products as the market are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
to their nation. Second, immigrants might
be imprisoned
, or even sentenced to death if they do not
fully
understand the culture and customs of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
. In North Korea,
for example
, the authority could put
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreigners
who insult president Kim
Did you mean "Jong-un" (= person from North Korea)?
Jong UN
in jail, which would not happen if they have the knowledge about this nation.

There are
also
a numerous
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "benefit"?
benefits
for immigrants to follow the habits and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
.
Firstly
, By studying the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
of the area, they would
be gained
more respect from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreigners
wearing traditional clothes, such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ao
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dai
or Kimono, would be more welcomed when they participate in local's festivals than do not ones.
In addition
, in order to communicate with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
citizens, understanding their language and culture is of importance. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that no one, regardless of social status, can survive in a foreign country without communication.

In conclusion
, following and understanding local's culture and customs are imperative to living overseas.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
should take steps to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreigners
learn about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
and customs.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay People should follow the customs and traditions when people start to live in a new country. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts