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People should follow the customs and traditions when people start to live in a new country. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

People should follow the customs and traditions when people start to live in a new country. v. 2
It is debated that immigrants should adapt to new local cultural norms and practices. From my perspective, I wholeheartedly consent to this view for some fundamental reasons which will be analyzed in the subsequent paragraphs. To begin with, there are many difficulties for new residents who do not follow the customs and traditions of the host country. Firstly, they would not live in harmony with local people due to cultural differences and behaviors/because they do not respect the social norms of locals. In some cases, this may lead to tension and conflict. For example, in developed countries such as Japan or Germany, that new inhabitants litter the streets, rivers or other public spaces may insult local culture, thereby, native citizens would consider newcomers dirty people or even barbarians. Furthermore, if expats start up a new business without researching the need of local customers as well as their traditional trading methods, they would end in bankrupt due to the fact that they cannot attract and keep their customers in a long run. In addition, newcomers would gain many benefits if they show respect for the host country’s codes of conduct and habits. The first advantage could be that local residents will welcome and accept them freely. This leads to a mutual understanding and results in a better relationship. Therefore, immigrants would not have a sense of isolation or discrimination anymore. Additionally, foreigners would gain more enjoyable experience which could enrich their life in terms of spiritual aspects by participating in community life and other festivals. This activity could steer them away from homesick and feel like they belong to their new country/offer them a great sense of community as if they were in their own nation. In conclusion, following the host country’s social norms and traditions could provide newcomers with more chances to adapt to a new environment fully and enjoyably.
It
is debated
that immigrants should adapt to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
cultural norms and practices. From my perspective, I
wholeheartedly
consent to this view for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fundamental reasons which will
be analyzed
in the subsequent paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
difficulties for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
residents who do not follow the customs and traditions of the host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Firstly
, they would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in harmony with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
due to cultural differences and behaviors/
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not respect the social norms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, this may lead to tension and conflict.
For example
, in developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
such as Japan or Germany, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
inhabitants litter the streets, rivers or other public spaces may insult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
culture, thereby, native citizens would consider newcomers dirty
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
or even barbarians.
Furthermore
, if expats
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
up a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
business without researching the need of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
customers
as well
as their traditional trading methods, they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
in bankrupt due to the fact that they cannot attract and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their customers in a long run.

In addition
, newcomers would gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
respect for the host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
codes of conduct and habits. The
first
advantage could be that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
residents will welcome and accept them
freely
. This leads to a mutual understanding and results in a better relationship.
Therefore
, immigrants would not have a sense of isolation or discrimination anymore.
Additionally
, foreigners would gain more enjoyable experience which could enrich their life in terms of spiritual aspects by participating in community life and other festivals. This activity could steer them away from homesick and feel like they belong to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
country/offer them a great sense of community as if they were in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
nation.

In conclusion
, following the host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
social norms and traditions could provide newcomers with more chances to adapt to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
environment
fully
and
enjoyably
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay People should follow the customs and traditions when people start to live in a new country. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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