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People should be Independent in their contemporary era instead of depend on others

People should be Independent in their contemporary era instead of depend on others jVjpp
Today I want to tell you the truth that people never trust on other. They just pretend that they are with you. Everyone keens to making sure their security first. World is so small but life is smaller than world, so we need to focus on those things which gives us happiness and which are reason of our life. No one cares about other, everyone lives for themselves. You have to understand that you should not depend on others instead of yourself. Once you will care for yourself and will try to improving oneself. Now just think who are around you and what are they doing, whatever they are doing, they are not doing for you, their hard work won't help you to improve. You must take your own responsibility. So you can find your weakness, for which you would prepare and start learning new things. And since we are talking about trust and interdependancy, also earn money is the hot topic related to them. In the Europe and the USA, people are earning money at early age of their life. Their culture had independent priorities.
Today
I want to
tell
you the truth that
people
never trust on other. They
just
pretend that they are with you. Everyone keens to making sure their security
first
. World is
so
small
but
life is smaller than world,
so
we need to focus on those things which gives us happiness and which are reason of our life. No one cares about other, everyone
lives
for themselves. You
have to
understand that you should not depend on others
instead
of yourself. Once you will care for yourself and will try to
improving
oneself.
Now
just
think
who are around you and what are they doing, whatever they are doing, they are not doing for you, their
hard
work won't
help
you to
improve
. You
must
take your
own
responsibility.
So
you can find your weakness, for which you would prepare and
start
learning new things. And since we are talking about trust and
interdependancy
,
also
earn money is the hot topic related to them. In the Europe and the USA,
people
are earning money at early age of their life. Their culture had independent priorities.
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IELTS essay People should be Independent in their contemporary era instead of depend on others

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
186 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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