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People people are having aim of achieving balance between personal life and work, but we are able to achive it. What are the possible causes this problem and mention some solutions?

People people are having aim of achieving balance between personal life and work, but we are able to achive it. What are the possible causes this problem and mention some solutions? d5Apr
It is irrefutable that, incredible amount of energy is spent in achieving ideal work life. However, it's important to maintain a balance between professional and personal life, but, many individuals find it difficult to strike such a balance, thus, enter into work related trap, which runs as, excessive workload - leads to stress - indeed cause some health problems (may have major impact on personal life). So, this essay will analyse the major reason what this issue and wood state some possible remedies in the following paragraph. To commence with, there are number of reasons, which makes a person in capable to achieve work life balance in the contemporary world, such as, Primarily, what's the technology has advanced by a far means, which makes us more reachable by past. To elaborate, work has gone to a global level and so are the choices, as individuals are more attentive towards the work, therefore, these choices father makes it difficult to look after their personal life. For instance, many citizens have a greedy nature, who have a aim of achieving more and more in life, hence they are focusing more on work related to choices and in order to achieve more, they, fail to think about their private life. Furthermore, competition is believed to become stiffer and stiffer over the years and with the purpose of competing with others, humans are becoming more workaholic and some are even ignoring their individual life. Apart from these, today's way of living is known as materialistic, as everyone is running behind success ( partially because of money) in order to live a luxurious life, hence, they have forgotten the true fans of life, educates a person to live a happy life with their family members. In contrast, the solutions are not simple, as everyone is different from each other and so are their choices, but, as a human, we must set priorities, stating what is enough, so that, we can enjoy our rest of life. Lastly, I think, when we come home from the office, we must switch off the office button and the other essential key is to adopt some flexibility between personal life and professional life. To sum up, I would like to to reiterate that, everyone perceives in a different life and so achieving work life balance is difficul, t but not impossible, therefore, we must realise that contentment is the key to achieve work life balance.
It is irrefutable that, incredible amount of energy
is spent
in achieving ideal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
However
, it's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to maintain a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balance
between professional and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals find it difficult to strike such a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balance
,
thus
, enter into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
related trap, which runs as, excessive workload
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
leads to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
indeed
cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
health problems (may have major impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life)
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, this essay will
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
the major reason what this issue and wood state
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible remedies in the following paragraph. To commence with, there are number of reasons, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a person in capable to achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balance
in the contemporary world, such as,
Primarily
, what's the technology has advanced by a far means, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
us more reachable by past. To elaborate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
has gone to a global level and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
, as individuals are more attentive towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
therefore
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
father
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it difficult to look after their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
citizens have a greedy nature, who have
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
aim of achieving more and more in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
hence
they are focusing more on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
and in order to achieve more, they, fail to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about their private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Furthermore
, competition
is believed
to become stiffer and stiffer over the years and with the purpose of competing with others, humans are becoming more workaholic and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are even ignoring their individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Apart from these,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's way of living
is known
as materialistic, as everyone is running behind success
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
partially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of money) in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a luxurious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
hence
, they have forgotten the true fans of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, educates a person to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
with their family members.
In contrast
, the solutions are not simple, as everyone is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from each other and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
are their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, as a human, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
set priorities, stating what is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that, we can enjoy our rest of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Lastly
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, when we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
home from the office, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
switch off the office button and the other essential key is to adopt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
flexibility between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and professional life.

To sum up, I would like
Possible typo: you repeated a word
to to
reiterate that, everyone perceives in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
achieving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balance
is
Possible spelling mistake found.
difficul
, t
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not impossible,
therefore
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
that contentment is the key to achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
balance
.

IELTS essay People people are having aim of achieving balance between personal life and work, but we are able to achive it. What are the possible causes this problem and mention some solutions?

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
405 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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