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People nowadays work hard to buy more things .this has made our life generally more comfortable but it is pity many traditional values have been lost on the way to such materialism. Agree or disagree?

People nowadays work hard to buy more things. this has made our life generally more comfortable but it is pity many traditional values have been lost on the way to such materialism. Agree or disagree? V983
In pursuit of material comforts, modern man strive to achieve better financial status. In this state of mind, they consciously or unconsciously create their life surfaced and gradually found themselves disconnected from their traditional customs. However, I believe although a narrow range falls into this category, the larger proportion of society still values their culture amid material wealth. There are a number of basis behind the argument that we are killing our roots on the way to materialism. Firstly, with open markets and massive industrialization both the buying power of and the options for the people have increased. While the act of buying or possessing does not directly kill our values on the contrary there is a deeper disease called instant gratification where people want to do less and get more results. In general, there is seen an attitude of irresponsibility which makes people selfish and manipulative in today's stressful working conditions. In addition, another argument is that visiting neighbourhood houses used to be a favourite ritual for people in the past, which helped them in fostering a friendly relationship with one’s neighbours. On the contrary, this is not possible today, since people are too busy as they serve for long hours outside their homes to meet their ever enhancing demands of modern life. Even though, this has been effectively compensated. For example, by the formation of neighbourhood clubs and similar groups where people meet during weekends and engage in some entertainment and social activities. This provides them greater opportunities to develop an amiable connection with their neighbors. In conclusion, I believe that we are not losing our ethics but the way of executing them has transformed in our times. Living a good provided life rather helps us take pride in our cultural history and celebrate it by way of festivals and day to day behaviour.
In pursuit of material comforts, modern
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
strive to achieve better financial status. In this state of mind, they
consciously
or
unconsciously
create their life surfaced and
gradually
found themselves disconnected from their traditional customs.
However
, I believe although a narrow range falls into this category, the larger proportion of society
still
values their culture amid material wealth.

There are a number of basis behind the argument that we are killing our roots on the way to materialism.
Firstly
, with open markets and massive industrialization both the buying power of and the options for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have increased. While the act of buying or possessing does not
directly
kill our values
on the contrary
there is a deeper disease called instant gratification where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to do less and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more results.
In general
, there is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
an attitude of irresponsibility which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
selfish and manipulative in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's stressful working conditions.

In addition
, another argument is that visiting
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be a
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
ritual for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the past, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
them in fostering a friendly relationship with one’s
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
.
On the contrary
, this is not possible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are too busy as they serve for long hours outside their homes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their ever enhancing demands of modern life.
Even though
, this has been
effectively
compensated.
For example
, by the formation of
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
clubs and similar groups where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
during weekends and engage in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
entertainment and social activities. This provides them greater opportunities to develop an amiable connection with their neighbors.

In conclusion
, I believe that we are not losing our ethics
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the way of executing them has transformed in our times. Living a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
provided life
rather
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us take pride in our cultural history and celebrate it by way of festivals and day to day
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
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IELTS essay People nowadays work hard to buy more things. this has made our life generally more comfortable but it is pity many traditional values have been lost on the way to such materialism. Agree or disagree?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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