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Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages? LRd8
It is true that museums are educational places for people in society. However, nowadays, people have to be charged the entry fee to enter many museums. From my perspective, although this phenomeno can cause negative effects, its still have more advantages. To begin with, it is undeniable that the prices of tickets bring some detrimental impacts to the societies and museums. For society aspects, citizens are discouraged to visit museums and have fewer opportunities to access new information and knowedge about sciences, arts, histories, music and many other essential subjects, also because of tickets' prices, many poverty cannot afford such amount. From museum aspects, numbers of museums not only cannot attain their objectives which educate to public through visiting there but also the museums may suffer the risk of insufficient funding from customers therefore have to close down. On the other hand, such a vital role does admission fee play in museums' financial facets. Museums will have money to operate their personal costs, equipments, water and electronic bills. Besides the aforementioned, museums will obtain the revenues to improve and upgrade their places, for example, to renew the exhibits, and information also the outdoor environments make them look good and the indoor floors are clean so as to attract more foreign tourists and local inhabitants. In conclusion, despite the fact that the museum ticket sales have some demerits must not be ignored; however, I personally believe that museums should not be free for all as long as good management and efficient development still can bring large benefits for society.
It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are educational places for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
However
, nowadays,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be charged
the entry fee to enter
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
. From my perspective, although this
Possible spelling mistake found.
phenomeno
can cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects, its
still
have more advantages.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is undeniable that the prices of tickets bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
detrimental impacts to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
aspects, citizens
are discouraged
to visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and have fewer opportunities to access new information and
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowedge
about sciences, arts, histories, music and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other essential subjects,
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of tickets' prices,
Possible agreement error. The noun poverty seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much poverty", "a good deal of poverty".
many poverty
cannot afford such amount. From
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
aspects, numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
cannot attain their objectives which educate to public through visiting there
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
may suffer the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of insufficient funding from customers
therefore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
close down.

On the other hand
, such a vital role does admission fee play in museums' financial facets.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museums
will have money to operate their personal costs, equipments, water and electronic bills.
Besides
the aforementioned,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
will obtain the revenues to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
and upgrade their places,
for example
, to renew the exhibits, and information
also
the outdoor environments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them look
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and the indoor floors are clean
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
attract more foreign tourists and local inhabitants.

In conclusion
, despite the fact that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
ticket sales have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
demerits
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
;
however
, I
personally
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
should not be free for all as long as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
management and efficient development
still
can bring large benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.

IELTS essay Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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