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Nowadays families are not as close as they used to be. What do you think are the causes of this? What can be done to make families closer?

Nowadays families are not as close as they used to be. What do you think are the causes of this? What can be done to make families closer? bl6W
On early days the family bondings were close and stronger than current generation. The main causes for this in my view point are social media and video games, which made present generation far away from families. Firstly, talking about social media, which is theost important cause. However these days the mobile phone has become so important in daily life, but the people are getting addicted to it. The social media is been given importance and the family bondings are only seen on WhatsApp or Instagram posts. When people try connecting with new people across the world through social media they are forgetting about the love for families. For example, a person who sends friend request to unknown people on social media fails to build friendly bonding among family members. The solution for this is to allocate separate time for social media in your leisure time and spend quality time with family as early people did inorder to strengthen the family bond. On other hand, current generation kids and teenagers are getting addicted to video games. Those days kids and teens used to play outdoor and indoor games, the family members will also join them and they will have fun together and spend good quality time. But the present generation children are so much into online games and they don't even come out of their room to join family even while having food. For example, during family get-together the children of this era are not willing to join as they need to play online game with their friends. Moreover this is main cause of the families for not being closer. However playing video games is not false but that has to be in a limit and this will be the solution, which helps families to create more memories together. In conclusion, using social media or playing video games are fine, but we should never forget to spend time with family. Only then the bond gets closer as it was during olden days.
On early days the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
Possible spelling mistake found.
bondings
were close and stronger than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
generation. The main causes for this in my view point are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, which made present generation far away from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
.
Firstly
, talking about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, which is
Possible spelling mistake found.
theost
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
cause.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
these days the mobile phone has become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in daily life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are getting addicted to it. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
importance and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
Possible spelling mistake found.
bondings
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
on WhatsApp or Instagram posts. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
try connecting with new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
across the world through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
they are forgetting about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
.
For example
, a person who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sends
friend request to unknown
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
fails to build friendly bonding among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members. The solution for this is to allocate separate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
in your leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and spend quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
as early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
did
Possible spelling mistake found.
inorder
to strengthen the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
bond. On other hand,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
generation kids and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are getting addicted to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. Those days kids and teens
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to play outdoor and indoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
them and
they will have fun together and spend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the present generation children are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much into online
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
games and
they don't even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out of their room to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
even while having food.
For example
, during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
-together the children of this era are not willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
as they need to play online game with their friends.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
this is main cause of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
for not being closer.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is not false
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be in a limit and this will be the solution, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
to create more memories together.
In conclusion
, using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
or playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are fine,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we should never forget to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
then the bond
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
closer as it was during olden days.
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IELTS essay Nowadays families are not as close as they used to be. What do you think are the causes of this? What can be done to make families closer?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
331 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
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Lexical Resource: 5.0
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
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Task Achievement: 5.0
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    Present relevant ideas
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  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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