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people nowadays work hard to buy more things. this has made our life generally more comfortable but it is a pity manu traditional values have been lost on the way to such materialism. to what extent do you agree.

people nowadays work hard to buy more things. this has made our life generally more comfortable but it is a pity manu traditional values have been lost on the way to such materialism. 0N0Q
These days people's lives has became easy because they do tough work to purchase a lost of new belongings. Some people feel sad, due to this, various traditional things have been disappearing. I largely agree with this statement. There are various reasons which will discuss in this essay. To commence with, the predominant reason is that, in this era, every family has their own house. This is possible because they do work hard and all family members have their individual rooms with all amenities such as televisions, bed so on. Because of this they do not sit together. people like to enjoy individually. But in the past all family members sat together and they ventilated their feelings with each other. So this is not possible now because this tradition has been lost. People have became more materialistic. secondly, people nowadays prefer travelling to staying at home in holidays. For example, in summer and winter vacations, children's like to go out without their parents. They prefer to enjoy their life independently. Due to this, nowadays, paresnts and children's relationships is not strong. But in the past kids used to spend their va8s with their parents and the bonding between them was very strong. On the other hand, materialistic things are great and people's lives have become pleasant. There are things available to use in a emergency condition. For instant. if a medical emergency occurs in a family then a person can take the patient to a hospital in short time. But this is possible if that person has a car. And it is a clear result of technology and materilism. To conclude. it is true that, traditional things have been lost, we can not ignored benefits of things.
These days
Do not use 's with a verb. Did you mean "peoples"?
people's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
has
Use past participle here: "become".
became
easy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do tough work to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
a lost of new belongings.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel sad, due to this, various traditional things have been disappearing. I
largely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement. There are various reasons which will discuss in this essay. To commence with, the predominant reason is that, in this era, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
has their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
. This is possible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members have their individual rooms with all amenities such as televisions, bed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
of this they do not sit together.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
people
like to enjoy
individually
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in the past all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members sat
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
together and
they ventilated their feelings with each other.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
this is not possible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this tradition has
been lost
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
Use past participle here: "become".
became
more materialistic.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays prefer travelling to staying at home in holidays.
For example
, in summer and winter vacations, children's like to go out without their parents. They prefer to enjoy their life
independently
. Due to this, nowadays,
Possible spelling mistake found.
paresnts
and children's relationships is not strong.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in the past kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to spend their va8s with their parents and the bonding between them was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
strong.
On the other hand
, materialistic things are great and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
have become pleasant. There are things available to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
emergency condition. For instant.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
if
a medical emergency occurs in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
then a person can take the patient to a hospital in short time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
this is possible if that person has a car. And it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
result of technology and
Possible spelling mistake found.
materilism
.
To conclude
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
is true that, traditional things have
been lost
, we can not
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "ignore"
ignored
benefits of things.

IELTS essay people nowadays work hard to buy more things. this has made our life generally more comfortable but it is a pity manu traditional values have been lost on the way to such materialism.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
287 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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