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Islom: Computers have changed the way people study

Islom: Computers have changed the way people study 712Y
Islom: Nowadays computers have had a major impact on people's studying patterns. Especially computers have attracted young people. There are pros and cons to this change. Let's begin by looking at the advantages of computers. One of the biggest advantages of computers is saving time. For example, in the past, people had went to the library on cold or hot days spending their time and learned something what they needed, but nowadays peope do not anywhere. If peope going to know something what they needed, they receive information with to touch of a button on a computer. Computers have created many conveniences for people to study. Firstly, it is possible to learn the methodology of studying in other countries by computer. if there is a competition in different sciences in other countries, you can participate in it online by computer. Which is a huge benefical to people. Secondly, it is possible to study sciences on a computer rather than going to extra classes, schools and spending extra money. Especially, this convenience is very useful for young people. Turning to the other side of the argument, there are many disadvantages are harmful to health. The use of computer reduces vision. The computer causes heart attacks and headaches such disease negatively affect a person's studying. As mentioned above, headaches occur and lead to memory loss. Another disadvantages is that how to use a computer. Currently, young people are becoming attached to terrorzim and the like. which is due to not knowing how to use a computer. People are becoming attached to negative things instead of studying. In conclusion, there are pros and cons to using a computer. First of all, you need to know how to use a computer. I believe the negatives in term of personal grwoth eventually outweigh any benefits
Possible spelling mistake found.
Islom
:

Nowadays computers have had a major impact on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's studying patterns.
Especially
computers have attracted young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. There are pros and cons to this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
by looking at the advantages of computers. One of the biggest advantages of computers is saving time.
For example
, in the past,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
had
Use past participle here: "gone".
went
to the library on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
or hot days spending their time and learned something what they needed,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
nowadays
Possible spelling mistake found.
peope
do not anywhere. If
Possible spelling mistake found.
peope
going to know something what they needed, they receive information with to touch of a button on a computer. Computers have created
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
conveniences for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to study.
Firstly
, it is possible to learn the methodology of studying in other countries by computer.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
if
there is a competition in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sciences in other countries, you can participate in it online by computer.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
is a huge
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefical
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Secondly
, it is possible to study sciences on a computer
rather
than going to extra classes, schools and spending extra money.
Especially
, this convenience is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful for young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Turning to the other side of the argument, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disadvantages are harmful to health. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of computer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
vision. The computer causes heart attacks and headaches such disease
negatively
affect a person's studying. As mentioned above, headaches occur and lead to memory loss. Another disadvantages
You should probably use: "are".
is
that how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a computer.
Currently
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming attached to
Possible spelling mistake found.
terrorzim
and the like.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
which
is due to not knowing how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a computer.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are becoming attached to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
things
instead
of studying.

In conclusion
, there are pros and cons to using a computer.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, you need to know how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a computer. I believe the negatives in term of personal
Possible spelling mistake found.
grwoth
eventually
outweigh any
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
benefits

IELTS essay Islom: Computers have changed the way people study

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
299 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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