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People nowadays sleep less than they used to in the past.What do you think the reason behind this? What are the effects?

People nowadays sleep less than they used to in the past. What do you think the reason behind this? What are the effects? JYbQj
It is Undoubtedly true that as compare to past, people these days take less sleep. they have cut off their sleeping hours. this essay will discuss the main reasons of this approach along with some possible effects on individuals due to this concern. To begin with, the main cause for this shift is likely relate to the burden of work and responsibilities of people. to explain, nowadays since the level of competition globally has been increased, the burden of work of any individual has risen. Thus, to stay in the race of global competition, people tend to work for more hours which leads in cutting down their sleeping hours. a common man for instance, as he has the opportunity to work for longer hours not only to finish his pending work, but also to earn more money by taking a lot more work. consequently, in order to Finish his work on time, he is likely to sleep less than necessary. however, the key reason of sleeping less is mainly contributed to teenagers. in this age, young people do not have many responsibilities. they merely have to focus on the study. hence, to pass the time the tent to check their mobile phones Repeatedly. They often watch movies, scroll down social media applications. as a result, they have gotten and bad addiction of mobile phones, and the trend of watching movies, series and social media in night as dramatically increased presently, especially among teenagers. This approach leads them to sleep very late. Despite the aforementioned reasons, This trend have some impact too. Firstly, analysing adults who sleep less with a view to work for longer hours and finish the burden of work. these people, however they are sleeping less for their benefits, paradoxically this approach affects them detrimental. to put it simply, lack of sleep not only put harmful effects on people‘s physical health, but also affects their mental health negatively. if they sleep less than necessary for a long time, they may get affected a lot. because this shift makes them feel inactive all the time which affects their performance at field or workplace, And they end up with lack of productivity. secondly, this effect goes same for teenagers. as the pastor night in watching movies and chatting with their friends, the physical body as well as their mind get disturbed and eventually they feel stress related to studies. The stress leads them to not to perform good at their academic field and end up with lack of knowledge and less grades. In conclusion, this essay has mentioned the two main reason driven in sleeping less, and also have discussed some potential difficulties people find due to this approach.
It is
Undoubtedly
true that as compare to past,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
these days take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
they
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
off their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
essay will discuss the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
approach
along with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible effects on individuals due to this concern.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the main cause for this shift is likely relate to the burden of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and responsibilities of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
, nowadays since the level of competition globally has
been increased
, the burden of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
of any individual has risen.
Thus
, to stay in the race of global competition,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
which leads in cutting down their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
a
common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
for instance
, as he has the opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to finish his pending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to earn more money by taking a lot more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
consequently
, in order to Finish his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, he is likely to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
than necessary.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
however
, the key
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
is
mainly
contributed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
this age, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
responsibilities.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
they
merely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
focus on the study.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
hence
, to pass the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
the tent to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
their mobile phones
Repeatedly
. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
movies, scroll down social media applications.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
as
a result, they have gotten and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
addiction of mobile phones, and the trend of watching movies, series and social media in night as
dramatically
increased
presently
,
especially
among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
approach
leads them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
late.

Despite the aforementioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
,
The verb 'have' is plural. Did you mean: "This trend has"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
This trend have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
impact too.
Firstly
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
adults who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
with a view to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
and finish the burden of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
however
they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
for their benefits,
paradoxically
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
approach
affects them detrimental.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
to
put it
simply
, lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
put harmful effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people‘s
physical health,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
affects their mental health
negatively
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
if
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
than necessary for a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
a lot.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
because
this shift
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them feel inactive all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
which affects their performance at field or workplace, And they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up with lack of productivity.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
secondly
, this effect goes same for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
as
the pastor night in watching movies and chatting with their friends, the physical body
as well
as their mind
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
disturbed and
eventually
they feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
related to studies. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
leads them
One 'to' seems to be obsolete.
to not to
perform
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at their academic field and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up with lack of knowledge and
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun grades is countable.
less
grades.

In conclusion
, this essay has mentioned the two main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
driven in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
, and
also
have discussed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
potential difficulties
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find due to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
approach
.
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IELTS essay People nowadays sleep less than they used to in the past. What do you think the reason behind this? What are the effects?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
449 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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