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People nowadays are spending more time in workplace and it is argued that this is a problem for family life do you agree or disagree

People nowadays are spending more time in workplace and it is argued that this is a problem for family life wmPKd
It is often argued that that, in this contemporary world mankind ae permitted to their respective professional places with out sparing their time with personal life. I completely agree with this opinion. First of all, i believe that spending more time in workplace Will reduce the connection between the family member's. Even if they are good at profession they fail to maintain network among the family. for instance, a lot of people will work round a clock in their office, they even don't have time to have supper with their family member's this may cause less communication among the family.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued
Possible typo: you repeated a word
that that
, in this contemporary world mankind
Possible spelling mistake found.
ae
permitted to their respective professional places
This word is usually written together. Did you mean "without"?
with out
sparing their time with personal life. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
believe that spending more time in workplace Will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
connection between
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
member's.
“Even if” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Even if
they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at profession they fail to maintain network among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
instance,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will work round a clock in their office, they even don't have time to have supper with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
member's this may cause less communication among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.

IELTS essay People nowadays are spending more time in workplace and it is argued that this is a problem for family life

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
100 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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