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In today's world, private companies rather than government pay for and conduct most scientific research. Do you think the advantages outweigh disadvantages?

In today's world, private companies rather than government pay for and conduct most scientific research. Do you think the advantages outweigh disadvantages? RWlwY
It is true that there is an increasing number of private corporations embarking on researching over the government. Despite some obvious disadvantages of this trend, I would argue that these are outweighed by the advantages. On the one hand, there are two major drawbacks when private firms are responsible for carrying out scientific research. First, products from this process might not serve for the whole general public. Due to profit maximization, private corporations target customers who could afford their products. In reverse, governmental organizations pay more attention to the benefits of society as a whole rather than profit. Moreover, research on weapons or military field may be harmful to national security. Terrorists would take advantage of illegal weapon-manufacture and give rise to the region’s stability. Therefore, such research should only be conducted by governmental bodies. On the other hand, I believe that the benefits are more significant than such disadvantages. The first reason is that the private organization would be in charge of research projects which relieve the pressure on the national budget. For example, a private Chinese firm has carried out human trails and developed Covid vaccine, which shares the heavy burden on the national healthcare system and accelerates a new finding serving for the humanity. Moreover, research funded by private corporations would drive to be more innovative and improve the quality of life. For example, A Vietnamese conglomerate, VIN Group, has done intensive research on car manufacturing and launched the first home-grown car in Viet Nam and introduced into the world. In conclusion, it seems to me that the advantages of this scientific research invested and directly performed over the government are more significant than the disadvantages. However, such research has to be well-supervised by the government to secure the possible risks.
It is true that there is an increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
corporations embarking on researching over the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. Despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
obvious disadvantages of this trend, I would argue that these
are outweighed
by the advantages.

On the one hand, there are two major drawbacks when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
firms are responsible for carrying out scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
.
First
, products from this process might not serve for the whole
Consider using "public".
general public
. Due to profit maximization,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
corporations target customers who could afford their products. In reverse, governmental organizations pay more attention to the benefits of society as a whole
rather
than profit.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
on weapons or military field may be harmful to national security. Terrorists would take advantage of illegal weapon-manufacture and give rise to the region’s stability.
Therefore
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be conducted
by governmental bodies.

On the other hand
, I believe that the benefits are more significant than such disadvantages. The
first
reason is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
organization would be in charge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
projects which relieve the pressure on the national budget.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
Chinese firm has carried out human trails and developed
Did you mean "COVID-19" or the alternative spelling "Covid-19" (= coronavirus)?
Covid
vaccine, which shares the heavy burden on the national healthcare system and accelerates a new finding serving for the humanity.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
funded by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
corporations would drive to be more innovative and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the quality of life.
For example
, A Vietnamese conglomerate, VIN Group, has done intensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
on car manufacturing and launched the
first
home-grown car in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Viet
Nam and introduced into the world.

In conclusion
, it seems to me that the advantages of this scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
invested and
directly
performed over the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
are more significant than the disadvantages.
However
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be well-supervised by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to secure the possible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
.
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IELTS essay In today's world, private companies rather than government pay for and conduct most scientific research. Do you think the advantages outweigh disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
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Lexical Resource: 5.5
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Grammatical Range: 6.5
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Task Achievement: 6.0
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    Present relevant ideas
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